Friday, January 22, 2010

Of Brides and Zillas

I had an article featured on Offbeat Bride!

I know, getting a piece of writing featured on the Internet (and having it shot all across the Internet judging by how many tweets and blog links it seems to be getting) is not exactly in the same league as winning the Nobel Prize for literature or even publishing a book, but it's great all the same. Especially an article that quite literally just spilled out of me one Sunday morning - and afternoon; it took me awhile to write it - after reading one too many catty, condescending remarks online aimed at women getting married. You could say I snapped. Bridezilla-style. Except I wrote it, I called it sexist and anti-feminist and I still believe I'm right.

Now if I could only get around to writing that book. About something. Whatevs. :)


catherine_sr. said...

What a great article! I can see why it's so popular.

As a bride, I got crap for being "too traditional" because I got a diamond engagement ring, wore a white dress and had a reception with all the "traditional" things (cake cutting, DJ, flowers, etc.).

I also got crap for being "too weird" because we wanted to walk with both our parents down the aisle, have a secular ceremony that we wrote ourselves, forgo the bouquet/garter toss, get married at a zoo, I wasn't changing my name, etc. My make-up artist gave me crap about not wanting iridescent glitter poured into my hair. Heck, we got crap for getting married.

Overall, my wedding planning was a positive experience, but I'd never been hit with such a concentrated load of sexism (especially from other women) and general bossiness from people who had absolutely no say in the matter. It was unsettling. But I felt I learned a lot about asserting myself (and about how my husband and I work as a team) during that time.

Jenna said...

Yep - that's why I wrote it. It's happening to me, too. I get the "too traditional" flak from acquaintances and the "not traditional enough" flak from family. (I think it's a really traditional wedding - more so than we'd ever plan if we were doing it just for us. I don't see how wearing a dress that isn't white suddenly makes it Crazytown).

The bossiness is starting to kill me. I can take a little - a very, very little - from my family, and tend to acquiesce to requests when asked nicely, but I am gonna go Sanchong on the next person who condescends to me as though I couldn't possibly know what's best or who tries to tell me that we "HAVE" to do something. And of course all that condescension and edict-issuing "HAVE TO"s is heaped on me, not Brendan.

My favorite reply now - "Why do we HAVE to do that? Will the State of New York refuse to recognize our marriage if we don't do a first dance? Will we be dragged out of the ceremony and beheaded if I don't wear white? Where is there a rule that I HAVE to do that?"

Phew. Feels good to let that out. Again.