Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Five Reasons Why Ralph Jennings Is The Absolute Worst Journalist

1.) Five Great Things About Taiwan's Business Practices
It's easier to get face-to-face personal service.

It's one way, especially if you're talking to smaller businesses, to get out and meet people in the community as well as not hide behind electronic devices. Also, dealing with a representative face-to-face builds a human connection that a phone call cannot, which will mean a stronger customer-business relationship and may even be a good way to network in some cases. Even for those who don't like it, remember that Taiwan has a lot of phone scams, so there is a reason why people prefer to deal with things in person. To some extent, it is a cultural thing. In any case, Taiwan's customer service is influenced by Japanese culture in some ways, and most of the time I can expect - and do receive - a similar level of service.

A vibrant street life means senior citizens have more chances to get out of the house and socialize

One of the best ways to make local connections is to get to know your neighbors. What better way to do that than to patronize local shops and get to know Uncle and Auntie Lin or Grandma and Grandpa Chen, who can usually be found chatting with customers and generally enjoying their advanced years with family and community around them. It really lends a local, almost village-like air to cities that could be unfriendly and antiseptic, but thanks to this and other cultural practices, aren't. Usually they are friendly and if Grandma likes you, you can expect good treatment, great service and sometimes even special discounts or other favors. My local dollar store gave me watermelon once, just because they were eating it! Don't worry, they only stare at you if you're giving off bad vibes. In that case, it's probably you.

Proprietors have interesting personalities

You're definitely not going to meet too many cookie-cutter bosses or franchise-owner types in Taipei's cafe and small business scene. Everyone's got their own unique thing going on, and they're going to be themselves rather than make every hipster cafe seem the same. Strike up a chat - you'll probably learn something or at least have your stereotyping preconceptions challenged! Or, don't do that, be dismissive, and wonder why everybody thinks your angry listicle ranting about Taiwan is a load of ignorant crap worthy of maybe a first-year backpacker English teacher, which makes you come across as a mediocre journalist.

Service people know they aren't your butt-suckers

Like, try to solve your own problem first. If you can't, call customer service, sure. If they ask you to try something, maybe it's because they have a lot of experience dealing with customers like you (though usually the customers are less angry and ranty) and they know what the problem likely is. So check it out, and if your situation is different, they'll try to help you another way.

Public buses rarely skip stops, and I do appreciate when they drop you off closer to, rather than farther from, major intersections.

Seriously I don't even know what to say about this. Why not move to a Western country and take buses there...oh wait, the public bus systems in most Western countries is a joke, unlike Taipei. My bad, I assumed the West was always better than Taiwan like the author of this fistful of garbage article.


2.) Five things wrong with this stupid article in just the first three paragraphs

- Tsai isn't "proposing a change in Beijing's conditions", she's made it clear that she does not intend to meet them because they are unreasonable

- "Mutual trust" - no, Taiwan has never had a reason to trust China. For good reason - China has always been clear that it can't be trusted as it's ultimate goal is at odds with Taiwan's ultimate goal. Also, Ma Ying-jiu didn't build up that "trust", China decided to talk to him because he gave proverbial handjobs to every high-ranking CCP power-broker who asked. Trust is built by two sides working together, not one side deciding "I'll only talk to you if you elect the leader I want".

- Tsai (and, implied, only Tsai) doesn't dispute "both sides are one China" as being at odds with Taiwan's desire to continue self-rule. EVERYONE says these are at odds, BECAUSE THEY FUCKING ARE.

- "The most urgent business" was not taken care of by Ma Ying-jiu because every "improvement" he introduced into cross-strait ties was a loser for Taiwan (though the direct flights are nice I suppose).

- That's four, but why the hell am I reading this nutsack? I am not obligated to swallow this trash, so I won't.


3.) Two reasons why I personally dislike Ralph Jennings and one impersonal reason just for fun


- The article isn't available online anymore, but he once asked me for a quote about Ding Tai Fung and I said something like "it's good, the quality is there, but they charge too much for what it is because tourists and businesspeople will pay it", and he butchered it to something like "it's expensive because it's good and the quality is there, which is why people will pay". Nope, not what I said at all.

- In that article, he quoted me as a "food blogger"? Other than being a bit pudgy because I do, in fact, really like food (#sorrynotsorry #eatme), do I look like a food blogger to you?

- Seriously, he writes like Backpacker Q. McEnglishteacher in Taiwan for his first year, before he's really gotten to know how things work. This makes for journalistic mediocrity and makes his writing just personally irritating and often straight-up wrong. Why Forbes (or anyone) publishes this sludge is beyond me. This bothers me more than it should because a.) he publishes a lot about Taiwan, and Taiwan deserves better than this joke person and b.) I've heard him offer good insights on ICRT. He's capable of being better than he is, but instead of maybe getting a B+ (because let's face it, bro-ham ain't gettin' no A) he's the class clown in the back of the room lobbing spitballs.


4.) Three advantages the Empire has over the Rebellion


1. You rarely see rebels write anything or read anything. You don't see the empire doing it either, but they couldn't have built that big empire without a robust written language and high literacy rates, could they? So they must be better.

2. Imperial culture - from their black capes and cowls to the height of classical music (they don't call it the Rebellion March), the Empire has hewed closer to traditional galactic culture than the rebellion, which lets all sorts of impudent, inferior alien races live comfortably. Sone even get permanent rebellion status, which the empire generally, and wisely, does not allow. This plus their "modern thinking" about freedom dilutes history!

3. Stormtroopers are effective and efficient law enforcement professionals.

I wanted to stop it there but I just have to add a comment on the whole "China has more Chinese culture than Taiwan".
OF COURSE IT DOES YOU DOUCHESPANGLE. BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING CHINA, AND TAIWAN IS NOT CHINA. OF COURSE CHINA HAS MORE FUCKING CHINESE CULTURE THAN A PLACE THAT IS NOT FUCKING CHINA, FOR FUCK'S FUCKING FUCKITY SAKE.

5.) Like five hundred stupid articles Ralph Jennings has written

Oh fuck it, I can't even be arsed to search for them, let alone read them again to reconfirm that they are all steaming turds. Find them yourself, I don't care, I'm out.

Go home Ralph. You're drunk.

No, seriously, go home. 

1 comment:

Unknown said...

He's offended by the smell of radish?? The radish aroma overpowers his coffee?? (I dunno, maybe he was traumatized by a horrible childhood incident involving a pinata, his pet bunny, a slinky, a burnt sienna crayon, an ice pick, and a radish.)