In Defense of Taiwanese Men Part II

Not Effeminate! 

Here's Part I.

I’ve been trying to write this for awhile, but have struggled with it (as I did with cultural appropriation, which, as you may have noticed, I gave up on. The words just weren’t forming, and the thoughts just weren’t coherent).

Not long ago I wrote about how, while Taiwan is still a country that has room to improve when it comes to sexism in society and in the workplace, that I appreciate how I don’t feel subjected to the same hate and vitriol that I hear lobbed at women back home.

Now, I’m going to take aim at another issue – the pervasive notion that Taiwanese men are “effeminate”.

I’ve decided to write about this now because of something I heard recently – in a nutshell, that jokes about Taiwanese men being girly aren’t funny. I was hoping the reason given would be that this is because it’s lazy and stereotyping thinking, but no. Apparently it’s because duh we all know they are, so it’s not a good joke.

Ugh, no.

I just don’t think it’s true – but don’t just ask me. Pretty much every woman in Taiwan I’ve ever talked to on the subject – local or foreign – has agreed: there seems to be very little support among women for the idea that Taiwanese men are effeminate (although there are certainly also women who would disagree – imagine that! We are individuals!). I can say that exactly one woman I’ve talked to, a Taiwanese friend of mine in her twenties, does believe that their dress sense can be a bit girlier than she’d like (OK, Imma let my bias show: I agree with her in that I’m not a fan of skinny jeans on anyone, male or female, but especially on men, and I really do not understand the fedora thing). She doesn’t extend that to a judgment on personality, though. I’ve heard a few people relate secondhand anecdotes (ie “well my wife who is Taiwanese thinks Taiwanese men are effeminate!”) but really, none from anyone’s mouth directly.

So where is it coming from? I don’t hear it from women, generally. I hear it from Western men. Why? Well, here’s a handy list!

The judgment of Taiwanese men from a Western cultural standpoint

So…uh, Western men? Your “home culture” definition of masculinity, and what differentiates it from femininity, is not universal and to be honest, not even all that good. I can see how a man carrying an umbrella, or carrying his girlfriend’s purse, or wearing skinny jeans or drinking 2% mango beer (which is pretty good, by the way, just don’t call it beer when it’s only 2% alcohol) or spending an hour getting their Pop Star Hair just right would be seen, from a Western perspective, as effeminate.

But that’s just one perspective. From that same perspective my husband wouldn’t be seen as “masculine”, because he doesn’t care about sports, or my friend J would be seen as effeminate for carrying an umbrella (J is ridiculously fair, I’d carry an umbrella under the Taiwanese sun too if I were that fair – but we tease him anyway because that’s what friends do). I don’t think either of these men are effeminate in the least.

Frankly, I’m just not into a definition of masculinity that says you must drink, you must dress a certain way (either completely lacking fashion sense, or James Bond, apparently), you must not care about your hair and it’s best if you like sports more than, say, museums. Where catcalls are maybe kind of jerky but basically OK (and don’t tell me they’re not that common), but using hair product isn’t. I’m not into a definition of masculinity that says you shouldn’t have too many close female friends, that taking an interest in their interests isn’t OK, and that if you do have female friends they should either be hot, or know other women who are hot. And, y’know, is it really a huge deal for a man to carry an umbrella when the sun is beating down? It’s not my cup of tea but is it really so important that you find it appropriate to form a whole worldview on who is a man and who isn’t based on that?

Let’s go ahead and add the wearing of pink and purple to that – pink and purple are only feminine colors in the West because we’ve decided as a culture that they are. They didn’t used to be, and they are not universally so. I don’t think it effeminizes a man to wear a pink polo shirt. If anything it looks less ridiculous than the many ways of wearing a baseball cap, or a popped collar on a shirt of any kind.

While we’re at it, let’s add the peace signs in photos and the interest in family (there’s a reason why 聽媽媽的話 was a hit song here) to the list of things that are culturally based and can’t be judged to be objectively feminine or masculine – they can only be so judged through the lens of culture. In this case it helps to try not to judge another culture through the lens of your own (although we all do it – I do it, too). And purse-carrying – which I do believe says something about how the sexes in Taiwan relate to one another and show commitment in a relationship (and has its own pros and cons), but which I absolutely do not believe is related to effeminacy.

The family thing is an important side note – I saw on one forum a post that said that Western women aren’t interested in Taiwanese men (not true! but I’ll get to that later) because Taiwanese men are so beholden to their families. While women do tend to be wary of men who need to cut the apron strings, generally speaking this is not true, and I wonder how many Western women that guy talked to: my guess is none, and he was mansplaining. If anything, a such a commitment is a total turn-on. I know I think it’s great to see a guy who really cares about his family. We may not want to visit every weekend, and we’re not going to procreate on a mother-in-law’s schedule – cultural hurdles that needs to be negotiated – but women generally like, rather than avoid, men who love their mothers. It is generally a sign that he was raised right.

Frankly, I’ll take umbrellas in the sun and mango beer over “huh huh women don’t know anything about cars or football they just care about shoes and books with pink covers huh huh” anyday. I’ll take skinny jeans – even though I really don’t like skinny jeans on anyone – over “we’re totally privileged and refuse to admit it”.

Don't discount these guys just because they're carrying an umbrella and have Pop Star Hair.

Taiwanese men are more indirect and can seem more introverted

Well, on a general basis – I’ve met individuals who have broken that mold. To a man who’s been raised in a culture of “if I want a woman, I go ask her out” or in some more extreme cases “if I want a woman, I go get her – she won’t say no because I’m entitled to her”, the Taiwanese and Chinese norm of talking to a girl, then hanging out with her, and then slowly easing intodating her can come across as effeminate. Whatever – that’s not so different from how I started dating my husband (although it took 8 years) and both methods have their pros and cons.

There’s an assumption that they’re effeminate based on their portrayal in the media.

I don’t need to go into detail on this – it’s been covered.

Also, Taiwanese men on Taiwanese TV. They often look ridiculous. But they are not representative of typical Taiwanese men, just as Real Housewives aren’t a representation of typical American women.

Western men just don’t seem to have Taiwanese male friends

…unless they’re his girlfriend’s family or friends.

Seriously, though, I don’t know what local men, if any, most expat men hang out with, but if they knew my Taiwanese male friends and acquaintances, I don’t think they’d use the phrase “effeminate” to describe them. Honestly, the one who might be described as the most effeminate is the one who, until recently, said he “never” wanted to get married because he didn’t want to get too attached or spend too much time with one person, which isn’t a very effeminate thing to say at all (he recently did a 180 and is now married to a wonderful woman, though). I’ve had to call a few of them out for Facebook posts – “check out [the back of] this hot girl running in front of me on the track” or a post of a photo of a book entitled “不會跟老婆做的事” (well, I just teased him for that one by posting a picture of Daniel Henney for his wife under the phrase “不會跟老公做的事”, his awesome wife did the calling out).

Otherwise, they’re just normal guys.

Single expat women in Taiwan totally do want to date Taiwanese guys – but nobody seems to believe this.

Why? Why??

Well, probably in part because there aren’t that many expat women in Taiwan in the first place, so you’ll see fewer Western woman-Taiwanese man pairs just based on statistics. In part because it’s harder to get over that initial cultural difference – we’ve been conditioned to wait for a man to directly ask us out or make his feelings obvious, whereas that’s not always how it works in Taiwan – it is, so my single female friends have told me – far too easy to miss the signals that interested Taiwanese men are sending. When Western women complain about dating in Taiwan, it is generally not “I can’t get a date because I don’t want to date the local men”, it’s “I can’t get a date because the local men don’t seem interested”, even though that is quite likely not true.

Another reason could be that expat men don’t seem to have that many expat female friends – I mean, they do, but fewer of them because there are fewer of us. Those of us who are here are looking for a cultural experience and are likely to spend our time with local friends, or need women to talk to and make female friends. I can’t deny that many of the expat-centered events I’ve attended seem to be overrun with men with very few women, and the expat women I know here don’t have very many expat male friends (but do have on average more local friends). Anecdotal evidence, but that’s what I’ve observed.

And with that in mind, it is easy to see how there might be a misconception that expat women don’t “want” to date Taiwanese men – based on misinformation or a dearth of firsthand or informed observation.

There’s probably some mansplaining in there too – men deciding they know better what expat women think of local men than the women themselves do.

From here - this is Daniel Henney. Feeling threatened, white guys?

Expat men feel threatened

I say this because I rarely hear expat women saying “Taiwanese men are effeminate”. I almost always hear it from men. I am sure some women do say it, but it is notable that that has not been my experience. Why would they feel threatened?

Well, first, the fact that we expat women don’t want to date them.

No, really, we don’t. OK, some of us do, but mostly, nope, not interested, sorry. The expat women here who want to date Western men (who are, say, single and don’t have a cool “we were friends before and got together in Asia” story as I do) will usually go home after a few years because they’re not going to lower their standards and the pickings are so slim. The rest of them generally either want to be single for awhile, or want to date Taiwanese men.

It’s true: most of the Western women I know here are either attached (and many are attached to Taiwanese men), or feel alienated by the dudebro culture of their home countries and are totally down with the local fellows. If I were single, that’s how I’d feel. When a Western guy approaches them – if he does – they feel not relief that a man wants to talk to them, but a sense of cynicism and guardedness that stems from the aforementioned alienation (and please, no, don’t try to mansplain that away: go talk to some women and see how they feel about it rather than telling us how we really feel. I know it alienates me). One refrain I frequently hear is “Expat men are the worst, so entitled, so arrogant, so in love with themselves, and the ones who have it worst are the biggest losers!”. That’s not always true, of course - there are good and worthy expat guys here (see – my husband and my friend J, and a few others I know who are pretty cool).

The way to tell the difference – do they have true local friends (more than “my girlfriend and her friends”)? Have they learned Chinese or are they trying (I have found a correlation between a foreign guy being cool and how earnestly he studies Chinese)? Do they not prattle on about how “effeminate” Taiwanese men are, or how hot the women are? Do they do things on the weekend other than get blotto at On Tap? Do they actively seek out cultural experiences rather than be, well, this guy? Good – you’ve probably got a winner.

Still, the idea that a Western woman would actively choose an Asian man over a Western one, when Western men have had it hammered into them that Asian men are effeminate (see “the media” above) has got to be somewhat threatening.

I’ll end this section on an anecdote. A few weeks ago I was at Carnegie’s (we wanted to witness the train wreck that Cougar Night promised to be, and some friends of mine would be there so I figured why not go this one time – yes, I do have to justify this) and I was alone for a few minutes. Brendan did not come. Some older guy – fiftysomething? Not ugly but too old for me and not exactly a handsome older man -  started talking to me. I tried to make my wedding ring obvious and tried to insert into the conversation that I was married, but I don’t think he heard me. Then, this:

Him: “So, do you speak any Chinese?”
Me: “Yes.”

“So a little Chinese?”
“No, dude, I speak Chinese.”

“Speak some Chinese for me.”
“{sigh} 我快要回家因為我老公比你帥喔.”

“Oh, you speak with an American accent. That’s so terrible, isn’t it?”
“No, I don’t think so at all.”

“Oh, OK, I guess not. I’m going to go find my friend.”
“You do that.”

Seriously, dude? Negging me? You’re a fiftysomething dude in an expat bar and you’re negging me like it’s going to work? And foreign guys wonder why we don’t want them? Fer serious?

Men don’t understand women’s preferences much of the time

Not all of the time, but much of it. It starts with the whole “women don’t like nice guys, they like jerks” – if a man says this, he’s probably a jerk who thinks he’s a nice guy. It’s not true – we like nice guys. We just don’t like pretend nice guys. They think we want “tall, dark and handsome” when what we really want is an equal partner who respects us as we respect them. They think too-fine facial hair or a lack of chest hair or a man being of slighter build is a problem for us – it’s generally not (well, the last one is for me because I’m tall and built like Magda the Polish Plow Pusher – and I am part Polish so I can say that).  They think we want the hypermasculine traits that their dudebro culture prescribes – but we don’t. We want the sweet guy who has Facebook photos full of himself playing with his kids, who isn’t afraid to say they don’t want to drink, who is secure enough in who he is to be who he is without worrying about whether it makes him “effeminate” or not. Like my husband – a man who is who he is and he doesn’t need to be aggressive or dismiss others as “chick stuff” to prove that he’s a man. We want men who can take criticism, talk openly, not be afraid to be called out by women when they’re wrong, who won’t whine about museums, concerts or what-have-you but who instead enjoy cultural immersion.

You can find that anywhere, but just due to numbers – there are more Taiwanese men in Taiwan than there are Western ones – expat women here are more likely to find that among locals than among expat men. That idea is even weightier when you consider this: most of the bodysnarking, the “[Insert Nationality Here] women are too fat/loud/angry!” and the Asian fetishism I’ve heard in my life I’ve heard from expat men in Taiwan and China…and much of the sexist remarks, too (of course, I’ve spent most of my adult life in Asia so that does dirty my lens a bit). They are absolutely not all bad, but the loudest among them do great harm to their image overall.

In summary…

No, I don’t think Taiwanese men are effeminate. I hear it a lot, but usually from men who are likely either uninformed, prejudiced or threatened. The reasons I hear to back it up either don’t stand up (“Western women don’t want to date them”), or aren’t markers of effeminacy vs. masculinity (“He’s carrying her purse!”), aren’t things women think of as effeminate (“They are so tied to their family!”), or things we actually prefer (like not being catcalled or harassed or hit on by sketchy dudes) or are skewed through a cultural lens (“They don’t go after the women they like”).

In the end, one big reason why Taiwanese men are not effeminate is not a good one, and I am saving it for last for that reason – because sexism is still a huge problem in Taiwan. It just doesn’t really compute that men are both effeminate and sexist. I suppose it is possible, but generally those aren’t two traits that go together (and not all men are sexist – the culture can be in some ways, and that is perpetuated by men and women alike, but not all men or women). If anything, Taiwanese men are just as prone to the pitfalls and downsides of masculinity as Western men – being afraid of losing face because of, shown up or called out by a woman, justifying paying women less for the same work, not doing a fair share of housework and child-rearing, having unrealistic ideas about what women should look like: all the good ol’ sexist crap we put up with in our home countries.

Rather than whining about some pink polo shirts and funked-out hair (I kinda like the funked-out hair – I didn’t always but it’s grown on me), let’s work on that, shall we?

乩童: Spirit Mediums in Donggang

Yes, that guy does have flags pinned into his skin.

We headed to Donggang last weekend for the opening of King Boat - the first day, in which the various participating temples arrive with their idols, dancers, eight generals (八家將), spirit mediums (乩童), guys in various hats and what have you. Everyone heads down to the beach, which has a fine gray sand. I suspect the sand is this way because every three years they burn a massive boat to cinders, and some of that sand has to be mixed with ash by now.

Then, you sit under the hot sun for awhile, until "whenever the gods decide to start" - at first it seems like nothing is happening and everyone's just hanging out on the beach with their idols for no reason. A few people start to show signs of going into a 乩童 trance (the verb in Taiwanese is ki dang, the noun is dang ki). It's interesting but not that lively - and then more people go into trances, then more, and it seems like all at once the entire waterline is full of these guys, doing whatever it is the god tells them to do. 

Some self-flagellate, pierce or otherwise mutilate. Others do what look like kung fu or tai chi moves. Some run around screaming and laughing. Some eat burning incense, or rub incense on their skin. Some shout and dance. Some hiss or buzz their lips, others actually speak. Their accoutrements are different - spiked balls, spiked swords, spiked clubs, needles, flags, incense and more (one guy was possessed by Ji Dong, wore a yellow robe and drank from a yellow medicine gourd, and spewed the liquid into the air).

Any way you slice it, or hit it, or spike it, or burn it or pierce it, they're there to call in their various gods from the sea, chiefly among them 千歲爺. With no good English translation I'm just going to go ahead and call him Qian Sui Ye, or Thousand Years Grandfather.

I don't really believe in this stuff (as you know, I'm an atheist) - my view is that it is completely and thorougly fascinating, however, for several reasons.

First, I do believe that these people are entranced. What I don't believe is that they're possessed by gods. I suppose it's possible, and I could be wrong, but I doubt it (I also doubt that there's one big old dude in the sky who tells us what to do - I doubt everything). I do believe that they are somehow able to bring on this trance, and the heat, beating drums, gongs, incense, waves and general overstimulation of the environment brings it on faster.

I also believe that there's an element of mass entrancement - such things have been documented - stemming from the similar states of mind of these spirit mediums. That makes sense to me.

What fascinates me is this: I have never been hypnotized. Our college campus, like many, hires (or used to hire) a hypnotist to come out and entertain students for a night in the main university auditorium. Every year I'd go, and every year I'd volunteer to go onstage, and I was never picked (it was a big auditorium). I watched the people who were picked and was never able to really comprehend what it must feel like. I've never done hard drugs not because I feel they're immoral (committing crimes to get money for drugs is immoral, and wasting your life on drugs without helping society is amoral, but the action of ingesting drugs in and of itself is not "wrong" in my view - it's your own body, you're free to do that), but because I'm frankly a bit scared of what an altered state might feel like. Also, considering how easily I get hooked on caffeine, I'm terrified of addiction.

So I am just really interested in what these guys must be "thinking" or feeling in that state. Do their facial expressions give it away? What do they feel when they hurt themselves?

                                    

They say that spirit mediums don't feel any pain when doing this, and that because they were possessed by gods or spirits when doing so, they heal quickly and without infection. I'm not so sure, seeing as the handlers (all spirit mediums have handlers who are able to touch them, and who will push you away of you get too close) carried spray disinfectant and would routinely spray down fresh wounds after infliction or after the spirit medium went into the water.

Second, I'm fascinated by, well, who these people are.

                                      

I mean, that guy? He's probably somebody's Grandpa. Do his grandkids know that he does this once in awhile? Does that scare them? My guess is that the answers are "yes" and "it depends" - an urban kid in relatively religiously tame Taipei would probably be all "whaaattt", but a kid born and raised in Donggang would likely think it completely normal and maybe think he might do something similar someday - it'd be no different than Grandpa being a deacon at church or a cantor in a shul.

More jokingly, I wonder if these photos make it into family photo albums (probably not, ha). "Come here, Little Chen, have a look at these photos of Grandpa Chen - he's possessed by spirits. Be a good boy or Grandpa will come and get you.")

(JOKING! Joking).

Third, I wonder if, in their entranced state, they can see those around them. This dude is looking right at me, and frankly, it's a little scary. I wonder what he sees when he looks right at me - does he see "some white girl" or does he see what a god would presumably see (what would a god see?), does he not see me at all, or what? Spirit mediums don't react to those around them, generally (they may react to handlers or to idols, but generally not people standing around. If you are in their way, they will continue hitting themselves and if you get scraped or whacked, that won't stop them).

Fourth, I have to say I am happy to see women being given an equal role in this event: basically, the gods choose who will be their receptacles/liaisons, and if they choose a woman, it's not for men to say that she can't do it. Women jitong/dangki are more common in southern Taiwan - I'm not surprised, but again this supports my case that the south is not "more sexist" as many Taipei folks will try to tell you. It's sexist in different ways, but it's not "more sexist". Just ask any obasan who runs her family's company, or a female spirit medium.

How do the gods do it? Either through indicating to that person through causing them to become entranced or through being chosen and undergoing training. You can read in the link above (here it is again) that if the gods choose you, you become entranced at temple affairs - not surprising, again, with all the drumming and gongs and incense and dancing, seems like a good environment in which to go into a trance. I've also heard that the gods might send you crazy dreams or cause you to say odd things while sleepwalking. I had a student who told me his friend's wife had this happen and she "had to" become a spirit medium. You don't really get a choice.

A blow for equality!

I will say, though, that on Sunday, the whole thing felt quite weird. The woman below, along with a man and two other women, ran further into the water while hissing, screaming and laughing. I was in there with them but for some reason not taking photos - it all happened very quickly, don't ask me why - they started shouting as though they were counting down, or about to orgasm in a hilariously parodic way, or something - "ahhh, ahh, AAAHH!" as a large wave rolled in, hit me in the back and them in the chests, and then they whirled around and ran back up to the idol, which was then brought to the sea - a sign that that god was there, or a communication of his (or her) will.

As that happened, in the seconds before and just as the wave hit my back, I couldn't see anything, just white, as well as the three women in the water. Nothing else. Then it was like something big rushed past with the wave. I am pretty sure I laughed or screamed - my friend said all he heard me say was "HOLY SHIT!" and didn't see anything else out of the ordinary. Then suddenly I was fine again and fanning myself, trying to get my head back together.

No, I do not believe I was temporarily possessed by any god.

I do believe it is quite likely that I, too, was overstimulated. The drumming, the gongs, the incense, the people completely flipping out in a trance right next to me, the waves, the heat, the sun, the dust, the firecrackers - it is possible, likely even, that I was almost overtaken by it and for the first time ever, for a few seconds, was entranced, the way a hypnotist might entrance a person or the way people in crowds full of fervor (religious or not) will lose themselves. Then my mind - which doesn't accept the existence of spirits or gods and which is terrified of being entranced - fought back and restored me to a normal state.

That's a normal, human psychology based way of looking at it, and it makes the most sense. After thinking about it - and I've thought about it a lot over the past two days - that's what I believe happened.

I wish I could say more, but it was literally maybe two or three seconds, and I remember the feeling that my brain was all over the place immediately after far better than what happened in those three seconds themselves.
      

Finally, I'm fascinated by spirit mediums because it presents a more hardcore, somewhat scary, even a little terrifying, aspect of folk Daoism. I'm not religious but I am interested in religion, and in my view, the most interesting religions, as well as the ones that are the most organic and culturally ingrained, are the ones that are a bit scary. It reminds the believers that gods are scary and fickle beings (assuming one believes they exist), that bad things happen, that life isn't all love, forgiveness, absolution and pearly gates.

As I've said, I appreciate folk Daoism because it is just as cultural as it is religious. People don't really care if you believe (although some southerners will accuse northern Taiwanese of "not really believing" - at least one person said that last weekend), you can still participate on a cultural level. Even if it's not your culture, you're still welcome. A part of that is the frightening side of things.

So while santaizi (the three child prince gods who dance to techno music) are great, and the idols are cool, and we all love dragon and lion dances, and everyone loves beautiful Guanyin, I tend to be drawn to the more hardcore, darker elements (I don't think that'd be true if I actually believed, though) - the ones that hearken back to the idea of shamans, magic, ghosts, demons, sacrifices and blood. Things that tend to be ignored or avoided in our everyday life.

It's a dose of something a bit dark in an otherwise pretty light life - a comfortable apartment in Taipei, a job that is basically an office job without being an actual office job, a cute cat, a wonderful husband. Looking at the lives of others - the clean MRT, the air conditioning, the sanitized office life, the cafes and department stores - sometimes you get a taste for something a little gritty. A touch of bitter after all that white chocolate.

You don't see many of these guys in Taipei (although you see some) - I love Taipei, but sometimes it feels so developed, so genteel, that they've lost their connection to so much of the gritty reality of life, and of folk belief. I'm planning to stay in Taipei, but this is why I head south as frequently as I can manage.

Plus, I grew up going to church. Didn't leave a lasting impression on me. My parents used to say that the point of church was to affirm your faith and to stick to something, not to necessarily have a revelatory experience or to commune with the divine every Sunday. That you may not feel it in your heart or head, but if you do it long enough you'll feel it in your bones.

I disagree - although I can understand feeling it "in your bones" from a cultural standpoint, if this is what your culture does - I never felt like it meant anything. Prayers that seemed to float off to nothing, songs that didn't move me, sermons that were occasionally interesting from a moral perspective but never a spiritual one, trying to reconcile faith with faith-based sexism (not a problem with my parents' church but a problem in a more general sense with organized religion) - it all felt quite saccharine, a little fluffy. What happened on the beach at Donggang was not saccharine and not fluffy, it was hardcore. It was like taking out all the pretty music and prayer and leaving only the especially gory crucifix, which is really the most grounding aspect of Christianity in my view, despite being a nonbeliever.

But this - this - left an impression. There was feeling in this, even if I don't share the particular belief that the feeling stems from. Like the scarier Hindu gods (Kali, Shiva, Agni, Indra) and demons, like the shamans that still exist in The Philippines and Korea (Korea!), the harvest festivals of the Taiwanese aborigines, the fire-dancing spirit mediums of southern India, the long, hard pilgrimages people take - that's hardcore, that's got feeling, that's something that piques my interest.

It may look showy, but it's not a show. Whether or not you believe these guys are possessed by gods, their entrancement is real. Their wounds are real and their belief is real. They are not Frozen Chosen - they're fierce.

And even Atheist Me can admire that.

So how do they know when Qian Sui Ye comes in?

Well, I don't know (I tried to ask, but nobody could really tell me). They just...know. Clearly someone is in charge of watching for the signs - I think when a specific spirit medium feels that he's come in, he/she does something or says something that lets others know.

Then, drums are sounded, gongs are gonged, balloons are released, people cheer, and there's a feeling of joy that washes over the beach. The other spirit mediums wrap up - it all ends pretty quickly, too - and the procession from the beach begins. I can't tell you where it goes - pretty much every road between the beach, Zhongshan Rd. and Donglong Temple is packed with people.

More later on what you can see after 千歲爺 arrives - for now, enjoy some photos:

Asian Women Aren't The Problem

This is totally worth a read -

Asian women are not "too tempting" for your husband or boyfriend.

Exactly. Ex-actly.

Are there women in Asia who will try to get into your partner's pants, even knowing he's attached? Sure, but that's true around the world. There are also women in America, Europe, Burkina Faso or wherever who will try to get into your husband's pants knowing he's attached. There are also men who will try to get into yours, knowing you are attached. That has nothing to do with being Asian, either racially or culturally.

Are there Western men who seem like stand-up guys, who go to Asia and suddenly turn into philanderers with a fetish?

Sure...

...but the problem is not the women. It's him.

I don't know where this tendency to blame other women when a man turns out to be a prick came from, but I sure wish it'd stop. I've seen it back home, where race or culture aren't blamed along with the Other Woman, and I've seen it in Asia, where they are. I do realize that plenty of people also lay blame on the cheating man, but so often that's either minimized or, before any cheating has taken place, fear of infidelity is placed on the shoulders of "those women" rather than the truth: either you trust the man you're with, or you don't. And if you don't, then don't go blaming "those women".

King Boat 2012: A Few Snapshots

The first weekend of King Boat Festival is in full swing, and I'm here in Donggang having a blast as the god parade winds its way around the city all day today and tomorrow, and for much of the night (it's going on right now, and it's midnight).

More observation and "curated" photos later - for now, enjoy a few snapshots:

I really like some of these - others are fine but not my best photos from the day - because I'm doing this on a 3G hotspot, it'd take ages to upload a selection of all my best shots, taken on my good camera...so a few of those plus a bunch from my iPhone will have to suffice until I get back to Taipei.

Happy Birthday, Sons of Killers

I didn't create this. It came from somewhere on Facebook.

Here ya go.

And I will say that what I'm going to write below somehow feels different from the perspective of having permanent residency, something I didn't have at this time last year (this time last year I was actually in Turkey). I'm not Taiwanese but I am sufficiently invested in this country to feel as though it's worth it to say something.

Once again, I won't be celebrating "National Day" (well, I will, in the spirit of Dr. Sun Yat Sen founding the Republic of China so I could have a day off - thanks Dr. Sun!). It's not "Taiwan's birthday" - nothing of any note happened in Taiwan on October 10th, 2011. Maybe Old Chen took his chickens to market. Maybe District Governor Fukuda of the Japanese colonial government heard a petition from a local resident. Maybe Miss Lin and Mr. Li fell in love - but nothing really happened on that day in Taiwan. Taiwan wasn't under Chinese rule then, and the founding of the Republic of China did not reach these shores on that day.

If someone wants to say "Happy birthday ROC", that's fine with me - if they want to celebrate an imported Chinese holiday in Taiwan, which is not a part of China, well, it's a free country (country!) and they're free to do so.

But it is not - absolutely not - "Taiwan's" birthday.

I'm not terribly interested, however, in celebrating a holiday imported from a different country by the people who instigated the White Terror and martial law, and I am not interested in celebrating the continued rule of their sons. I know, I know, the push these days is to let the past be the past and to move forward together. Generally I agree with that, but the KMT hasn't done much for Taiwan recently - despite doing a hell of a lot for China - so I still see no reason to support them. Besides, as someone whose own family survived a genocide not terribly dissimilar from the White Terror (the Armenian genocide, which the Turkish government has yet to recognize, let alone apologize for), it's something that does arouse emotion in me and best not forgotten, even if the only path forward is to move past it.

When Taiwan has a birthday - when it is an internationally-recognized independent nation and has a National Day that falls on the day of such a declaration, I will run out into the street, and sing and dance and say "Happy birthday Taiwan!" For now, no.

I know, I know, there'll be at least one comment coming in (which I won't publish) that will be along the lines of "stupid foreigner, go home" or "you don't know anything". All I can say is that I may not be Taiwanese, but I love Taiwan. I love Taiwan. I don't really care about the Republic of China, but I love Taiwan. I can't say why (although I've tried), but I do. I've lived here for almost exactly six years, and I am now an official permanent resident - for reals, y'all, I paid my fee and everything, it's done - so I do have the standing to say that I am invested in Taiwan and my life here. I'm not leaving anytime soon. I'm not here for beer&women (not all expats who come and stay for two years and then leave are, but enough of them are that they've kind of got a bad reputation, and a not-entirely-undeserved one, although it's not nearly as bad as China or Korea). I have local ties and local friends whom I care about. As such, I may not be Taiwanese but my opinion is relevant. Maybe not as relevant as someone who was born here and has ancestry here, but still relevant.

So, uh, happy day off everyone.

Reason #27 To Love Taiwan

Learning mahjongg with some local friends

Learning new things.

I know, it's been six years, I should have learned to play mahjongg already, but I hadn't. (I'm still not very good, mind you).

I guess, after six years, you start to think you've done it all, even when there are some basic things you haven't done. You can go weeks - months even - without anything "new" happening. You have your favorite restaurants, your favorite hangouts, your group of friends (or in our case, our various groups of friends who sometimes meet), your daily routine and preferred activities/hobbies. You start to think you've done all you can do, learned all you can learn, seen all you can see.

Then you find yourself in an entirely new neighborhood for some reason - one thing I like about my job is that it takes me all over not just Taipei, but northern Taiwan (and sometimes southern Taiwan). I learned more about the 後車站 neighborhood directly north of Taipei Main Station from having a class there and seeking out places for lunch, or places where I could run errands, than I would have if I'd just wandered it on foot in my free time. I wouldn't have gone down this or that lane if not for being right near it due to work, but I was, and I did, and I am better for it.

Or you learn a new turn of phrase in Chinese that adds panache, or a bit of fluency, that you hadn't had before.

Or you make a new friend and they introduce you to something you never thought you'd enjoy.

Or you do something simple, like go to a friend's house to play mahjongg - a game you'd never played before and really never understood.

You meet new people, learn a new game, practice your Chinese, see another bit of the city, and have an experience that you wouldn't have had back home.

And you realize that there are so many other new things to do, new alleyways to explore, new things to learn and new people to meet - your experience hasn't grown stale and likely never will.

That's why you're still here. At least, that's why I am.

Taiwan, in an Atheist's Eyes

This is one thing that's been on my mind recently, as I make arrangements to go to Donggang for this year's King Boat Festival, which centers very much around gods (or god-like beings) and how they are worshipped in Taiwan.

I'm an open atheist (used to be agnostic, but some life events changed my mind and hardened my views) - and very much a secular humanist in my moral code. This has led to problems in the USA - I do still have family members who aren't happy about, or don't accept, my lack of faith and who have said so openly. I've had people just assume I'm Christian - I was asked "where's the reception" a few times when planning our wedding (the assumption being that the wedding was in a church) and shocked people by revealing that I had no intention of getting married in a church, even if we were married by my parents' pastor.

I've had my beliefs questioned, been told I'm "wrong", and had people say - as well as seen many a comment online - about how I'll eventually "find the way" or some such. I know that I can never run for public office (not that I ever would!), because I won't hide my beliefs as many secular politicians do and an atheist is more or less unelectable. I've sat through a work event in which an award recipient spent 20 minutes talking about God. I was happy he found fulfillment in his faith, and some mention would not have bothered me, but 20 minutes? At a work event? I'd rather that work be a place where faith may be mentioned briefly but is otherwise not an issue up for discussion. It still would have been fine if he'd kept it to personal anecdotes of faith, but all the talk about how it's the "one true way" and the implication that this is what "good people" believe really got to me. Would he stop thinking I was "good" if he knew what I really thought? And why was it OK for him to talk about God for 20 minutes at a work event, whereas if I'd won the award it would have been extremely gauche for me to talk about my lack of faith for even a second? Not that Id've wanted to - just sayin'. It wouldn't have been acceptable in the same way.

I get the very strong sense when I'm back home that my lack of faith is an issue and something people would worry about if they knew me. I've had friendships fail to grow because being a part of a community of faith was extremely important to the other person, and not something I could share in. I had one relationship - a bad relationship, but it happened nonetheless - in which faith was an issue: I didn't mind that he was Christian, but he sure seemed to mind that I wasn't (and seemed surprised to learn that I wasn't: I honestly believe he had this idea in his head that good people are religious in a way he understands, and atheists are sketchy people, and since I was a good person, it shook his worldview that I did not share his belief). In another, faith was not an issue, but had the relationship lasted - good relationship, not right for me - hed've been OK with me not converting, but would have wanted any children raised Jewish. Leaving aside my desire to remain child-free, that was not going to work for me.

And, of course, the constant reminders that, despite a separation of church and state, that there's quite a bit of church in the state. I'm not leading the charge to take God off of our money, out of our pledge of allegiance (I always mouthed the words anyway and have very little allegiance to the USA) or take Bibles out of the halls of politics or the justice system: I've got better things to do than that. All it does for me is serve to remind me that I don't fit in, that I'm not one of "them", that there are a lot of people who'd view me as a weirdo or outsider for being an atheist.

And, you know, as someone who has no faith but is interested in how faith is practiced around the world, I do like to visit temples and churches, and I do like to observe religious customs when appropriate. It feels kind of weird, however, to have a look inside a church in the USA - even though I'd probably be welcome if there were no service going on, or be welcome to sit quietly and listen to the service if one were, it would label me as someone who shared the beliefs of those in the church. It would be interpreted in a way I am not comfortable with - so I don't.

I will say that this is not a problem among my friends. They are either atheist, secular, "spiritual" (as in they believe in a supreme being but aren't interested in organized religion), culturally religious (as in "I'm Jewish, I guess, but whatever" or "I celebrate Christmas because it's fun but that's about it") or are religious but respectful of differing views (which is cool - unlike women's rights, racism, certain views on poverty and gay rights, this is not an area where a difference of beliefs causes me to question someone's character). It's more of a family (not every member of my family, but some) + everyday life issue.

Then, I moved to Taiwan.

And...it's great. Religion is just not an issue. Nobody cares that I'm atheist - even my Taiwanese Christian friends. Well, I am sure some of them care, but we respect each other and don't talk about it. I don't feel like they worry about my eternal soul the way people back home might, or judge me for it. I can go to temples - fine, nobody cares. I can even light incense or draw a fortune stick. Nobody cares. Even if I say openly that I don't believe in something...OK. That's fine. So what? I can go to festivals and watch temple parades, and it's all cool. Nobody will come up to me and ask me if I want to chant a sutra or join their fellowship group. There's no cultural equivalent I can find (anyone?) to Bible study so I can't even make a comparison there.

"I don't really believe it either," some will say, "...but Grandma wants me to do this so I'll just do it."

"Does Grandma know you don't believe it?"
"Yes, but she doesn't care. As long as I do it she's happy." or "I don't know, she's never asked. It's probably not that important to her whether I believe it or not."

Imagine that - while some of that's true with my family: they know I don't believe but would prefer I go to church with them anyway, but there's still this lingering hope that I'll find my way back to the path they want for me. Grandma Huang doesn't worry about it in the same way.

If I tell people I'm an atheist - which I only do if asked, or if the person is a very good friend - the reply is generally "cool". It's just not a big deal. So much of life in Taiwan centers around religion: Tu Di Gong shrines, temple parades blocking the street, the lunar calendar cycle of holidays, the fortune telling required before marriage or baby-naming, the "yellow" almanac telling people when they may do things, and yet if you don't participate, or just observe, or go through the motions without believing, it's not a problem.

Best of all, you don't have to worry that someone's faith will come with a pre-set belief system. I realize that not everybody who is Christian shares the same beliefs - Stephen Colbert has been quite the shining example for the liberal, irreverently faithful, to the point where I refer to my liberal Christian friends as "Colbert Christians" - but there's really no fear in Taiwan that someone who genuinely believes in praying to Guangong or Matsu will let that belief influence their opinion in other areas. In the USA, I always have a moment of worry when talking to a new person who has professed a faith - so, do they think gays are evil because someone told them it's in the Bible? Not necessarily, but it happens. Do they believe that a woman's place is subservient to a man's, because that's what they've been taught is God's way? Again, not necessarily but it happens (am thinking of a blog I was reading once in which the blogger said something along the lines of "well, it makes sense that a household should only have one head, and the Bible says that's the man so I accept it to be so"). Are they going to be super conservative and go all ape-shit about Obama being a Secret Muslim or have retro views on sex in society? Not necessarily, but again, it happens. I've had such a debate - and at the bottom of it, the other person believed that pre-marital sex was wrong for religious reasons. Fine if she's just applying it to herself, but she was judging others for their choices - and how do you even have that debate when you don't agree on the fundamentals? What do you say when what you want to say is "I can't agree with you, because your views is based on a belief in a God that I do not share"?

In Taiwan, I love that someone can believe, or not, and have their views without worry or the need to reconcile them with their beliefs: nobody's going to go all "Tu Di Gong says gay sex is wrong!" (hey, that rhymes). Nobody's going to say "well because I pray to Hua Tuo, I believe that women should be silent in temples". You can believe in Tu Di Gong, or not, and it has no bearing whatsoever on how you feel about women or homosexuality. I realize there are Christians out there with similar worldviews, but it seems to me like those views would require at least some thought and reconciliation with the teachings of the Bible.

Are they going to assume that because their way is the right way, that I necessarily agree? Like that one  Western couple I was chatting with awhile back - I said something about the fat, laughing Buddha - and the guy said "well you know he isn't real, right? You know there's only one true God and it's not him?" and I was all..."uh...there is no non-awkward way to respond to that". Which, again, it's socially sanctioned in the USA for him to say that, but not for me to talk openly about my beliefs. Why? And Taiwan is so much better in this regard because I can speak openly if I choose without it getting awkward.

Nobody will make you feel like a weirdo. Nobody will make you feel like an outsider. Nobody will make assumptions about you, or be shocked that such a good person doesn't believe in the Baosheng Emperor or Matsu. Nobody will judge your character. You don't have to worry about people's reactions to your atheism. Religious displays - especially festivals - are as much cultural as they are religious, like the bling-blingiest bits of Christmas parading down the street every few weeks. Observing a festival or going to a temple is not linked to an assumption about belief - it's linked to a cultural practice.

People in Taiwan tend to joke about the local folk religion all the time - and nobody's offended. You can make a joke about Wenchang Dijun, Guangong or Confucius's birthday ceremony and people will laugh sincerely. It's just not a big deal. You don't have to worry that you've offended someone - "you can't say that about the City God!" is not something you'll hear crossing anyone's lips.

You can just...be.

And it's great.