Up!

So I have tons of photos from Sun Moon Lake to post, and I'm working on a post about making idli in Taipei and another on the conflicting ideas of "we're all the same around the world" vs. "our cultures make us all diverse" (hint: they're both true and not even all that conflicting).

I'm also working on turning Taipei in Sepia and Blue into a story that could potentially be published somewhere. That's already happened with Spirit Mediums in Donggang, which will be published as a story called Gods Rushing In in an anthology of stories by expat women in Asia which I think is coming out next year (but don't hold me to that). So...at least I know I'm not a terrible writer, even though my blog posts are riddled with errors, run-on sentences, half-sentences and all sorts of organizational problems. Yay!

But I seem to have a fair amount of bloggers' block, because I haven't been able to sit down and hammer any of this out.

It could be partly because I've been in front of the computer too much for other reasons - since I've given notice at work and started up as a freelancer I've managed to secure a pretty good seminar contract, and that required creating my own materials (for giving good interviews in English).

But I think it's mostly for three reasons:

First, I have four or five friends who are leaving or probably leaving Taiwan in the fall or winter. Two want to go back to Canada, one is definitely going back to the USA, one is likely doing the same, and one is moving to the USA to be with her fiance. Of course I'm really happy for all of them and I want only the best for them as they make their way in life! I just can't help but feel a little down that in the near future I am going to lose something like a third of my social circle. Obviously I'm not hanging on any one friend, it's just that losing five (well, not losing permanently, you know what I mean) at roughly the same time is a bit of a blow. As long as I don't guilt-trip or get all mopey-faced around these friends, I think it's fine to admit that this has me a little down, and it's not anyone's fault, and it's not like I would or want to make anyone change their plans. Add to this a friend who is moving to Kaohsiung, and damn.

I also am feeling acutely right now my lack of a female Best Friend - a BFF - (I mean other than Brendan, who really is my best friend, and that's not just a cliche) in Taiwan. It comes and goes - most of the time it's fine, sometimes I'm actually grateful to be relatively free, sometimes I feel like Brendan fits that role so well that I'm covered, sometimes I notice but it's no biggie, and sometimes I just really want someone I can call up and be all "I need margaritas ASAP. You free?" and I know she'll (I feel like this particular role is best suited to a woman in my case) either have time or make time, and that time'll be sooner rather than later. I've had friends who were like this but I don't now, and I'm feelin' it.

I know I'll get through it. I have other friends and I have Brendan.

Second, ever since the great weight was lifted off my shoulders when I gave notice at work, it's been hitting home how really and truly awful my workplace has been. It's not like I didn't know before, but just to keep myself psychologically whole while I toiled for those people, I relegated that knowledge to somewhere in the back-end of my amygdala, where I didn't have to think about it day-to-day. I've known I had to quit ever since they gave Brendan the shaft, and only stuck around long enough to build up a little savings and get permanent residency so they can't touch me visa-wise.

 (they have been known to accidentally-on-purpose screw up paperwork for leaving teachers to cause disruptions in their visas and residency permits, which causes all sorts of immigration issues and renders you ineligible for permanent residency, so this was really something I just had to grit my teeth and do so as to not risk that). Now that I'm mentally free to ponder to the fullest extent just how horrible they are, wow.

I don't even feel bad saying all of this publicly, although I won't name the company (under Taiwanese law they could sue me for that). If I need to work in an officially employed capacity again and a potential employer finds this, I feel that either they should understand what some bosses can be like in this industry in Taiwan, or give me a chance to explain myself further. If they'll do neither, I'm not sure I want to work for them. Or I'll just delete the post when it's time to look for work, if this freelancing thing doesn't work out and I need to seek it.

The problem is, what this is doing is causing me to feel bitter - hopefully temporarily but I can't be sure - about the entire English teaching industry in Taiwan, and about working under Asian (my former boss isn't Taiwanese) bosses in general. I label this as a cultural difference, and the issues here are differences in how we think based on our cultural upbringings. But it has just enough of a shine of racism to it that I don't want this thought lurking in my head to the extent that it is.

It has me not wanting to trust any potential boss who is Chinese (and I mean that culturally, not racially), especially any who own an English school in Taiwan. It has me thinking they're all awful, because every single one I've worked under has been basically awful, and most stories I've heard have also been awful. Awful in that maybe someone from the same culture could deal with all the bullshit, but I just can't.

And that is not good, my dears. That is not good at all. Not good for my career, not good for my psyche, not good for the whole "I don't want to be racist and this could be seen as racist although it's not about race, it's about differing cultural expectations" thing.

Anyway, this could be its own blog post, so I'll save the rest of my rant until then, maybe with a few happy posts - because I'm also happy, I'm not just down - as a buffer.

And third, the fact that lately, everyone I know seems to be having a hard time in Taiwan, or even openly hating it (this is related in some way to the fact that four or five of my friends are leaving or planning to leave by the end of the year).

The reasons range from "it's OK but I'm just not excited every morning to be here" to "I hate this place" to "it'd be great except for all the racism" to "I'm trying so hard to do well at work, save money and have a good time, but it's just not working out for me, I'm miserable and exhausted and I want to go home" to a Taiwanese friend who says her own people irritate the everloving hell out of her and she just wants to go back to Canada to be with her girlfriend.

And that has me down. It has me down because it has me questioning why I like it so much, and why my experiences have generally been positive - save my terrible work situation. Why do good things keep happening to me, and not to others? What is it about Taiwan that I see the good in, and they don't? I've had to think a lot about this. Also about the light that went on in my head when a friend of mine revealed that her issues stemmed mostly from her extremely racist boss, not necessarily Taiwan itself (or not only Taiwan itself). I haven't had to deal with that kind of racism, so it was a wake-up call that just because people are nice to me because I'm Paley McCracker, that it doesn't mean things are going to be all positive and happy for foreigners who are not white.

I think this - what do I see in Taiwan that others don't? Why have I had good experience when others haven't? Or why do I see great things where others are merely "meh" about it all? - also deserves its own post so I'll stop there, too.

Oh yeah, and there's a fourth. I've had a minor but distressing health issue these past few weeks that I'm currently being tested for. I'm awaiting the results (don't worry, it's not life-threatening or even long-term threatening) but the likely culprit is a hormone imbalance that is probably wreaking havoc on my emotions without my realizing it.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. A big ol' swirl of emotion. I'm not unhappy. Life is actually quite nice since I've given notice at work. I'm trying to travel more but not succeeding. I'm starting the DELTA Module One in September, online.

I've just got a lot on my mind and some of it is getting me down.

Asian Fetishism Strikes Again

So we're all pretty horrified by this right now:



Seriously I linked to it so you'd know what I was talking about, but if you haven't heard it, don't click it. It's THAT BAD. It's offensive and ridiculous, and not ridiculous in an "haha this is so ridiculous!" way but in an "oh my god this makes me want to cry" way.

And if you don't think it's offensive, well, you've got a problem.

From what I gather (I first came across it on Jezebel so most of my knowledge of the firestorm surrounding this video is from there), the band is serious in making it. It's not a joke or satire. It sounds like it has to be, but apparently, it's not.

My guess? Either it's a publicity stunt and by linking above I'm playing into their sick little game (and it's totally working), or they'll come out and claim in a week or so that it was "a joke - can't you all take a joke?" when it actually wasn't intended to be anything other than serious.

Or maybe it really was a joke and they're playing it straight for now. I find that hard to believe because it's just too tone-deaf. It's not funny. But let me be clear: even if it's a joke, it's not funny.

That wouldn't make it better. It's not a funny satire, if it is one, it's still racist. The tone of it isn't celebrating difference, it's just listing stereotypes while a sexy Asian woman takes off her clothes. That's not effective satire. The point of satire isn't to list stereotypes and act like you believe them - it's to explode them from the inside: and that is absolutely not what they're doing. And if it's a publicity stunt, it's doubly racist. And even without going into the racism any deeper than that, it's horendously sexist. So it's like a double-whammy offensive!

And it's proof that fetishism (in this case of Asian women) still exists and is still a HUGE problem, despite all those creepy expats and Internet randos insisting that it's not. Even if it's a joke. 

There's one good thing to come out of all of this, though. I found this wonderful video:




(It has explicit lyrics - if you don't want to hear some swear words, don't click).

This is a fun video - it celebrates rather than denigrates. It blows up stereotypes while shouting out to cultural diversity. The world needs more of this and less of that dreck above.

The Touristy Side of Taiwan

Greetings from Sun Moon Lake! I am amused and not-really-embarrassed to admit I managed to spend 7 years in Taiwan without having come here, until now. I've also never been to Alishan, believe it or not. I guess at some point I'll have to drink the tourist Kool-Aid and go there, too.

We're here just because we had a weekend free together, which these days is rare. I also feel like it's a sort of celebration, although we didn't plan it this way, of my quitting my job. I'm free, I'm free, I no longer need formal employment to maintain a visa and have basically sufficient freelance income and opportunities - at last I'm free! I finish at the end of August, but I'll finish off all of my continuing contracts and be open to freelancing with them in the future.

So far, not bad. I mean, it's exactly what I expected. Doesn't even look terribly different from my mind's eye picture before I arrived. Beautiful lake, smaller than I imagined, no idea why people think it looks like a sun and a moon (it really doesn't, not at all, I just don't see it, sounds like something someone made up to justify giving it a tourist-friendly name). Really very scenic and lovely, I can see why people want to come here.

Too bad the development in Shuishe (where we are now and where we'll stay tonight) kind of ruins it, and all the big fancy hotels that I'd never pay to stay in hog the best views.

But at least we have everything we need, from ATMs to coffee to wifi to shopping. It's an easy and enjoyable weekend destination, but I can't imagine spending more than a weekend here.

We've just arrived so that's about it, chilling in a coffeeshop for a bit as we didn't get much sleep last night. The typhoon screwed up Brendan's work schedule and instead of being off at 5pm as planned, he didn't get off until 10 and didn't reach Taichung until 2am, as he had to wait for a bus that wasn't full from Taipei.

But I fully expect to write a post on visiting a huge tourist destination in a country I've lived in for many years, but only now just visited. It promises to be an interesting experience, to see this side of "touristy" Taiwan. Especially when my usual experiences here have been anything but touristy (I don't generally go to the places swamped by Chinese and other Asian tourists, and Western/non-Asian tourists don't seem to have discovered Taiwan...yet).

Of Verdicts and Public Opinion

Here is what's hard.

Two cases, famous in their respective countries.

Case 1, in Taiwan, a foreign man is accused of driving drunk after a night of karaoke, hitting and killing someone (a local). Nobody really knows what happened, but everyone in the expat community agrees his trial was a sham. He's found guilty - chances are just as good that the police and the owners of the KTV, along with the judge, agreed it would just be better if the foreigner took the blame for the Taiwanese man's death as they are that he actually did it. Taiwanese public opinion very much supports his "guilt". The media treat him as guilty even before the trial. Not only is he a foreigner, but  he's dark skinned (doesn't matter that he's British).

Most foreigners believe that the verdict was wrong, and that it was probably also reached in part as a result of the pressure of public opinion on the judge, pushing him to convict. The argument is that a fair judge wouldn't be swayed that way (nor would a fair judge collude with police and the KTV owners to agree to blame the foreigner).

Case 2, in the USA, a young black man is killed for what appears to be no reason whatsoever. The killer is found not guilty (which, by Florida law, is as far as I know technically true, but that's a point against Florida law, nit a point in favor of the killer. Public opinion is almost entirely one of great fury at the crime and verdict. He was found guilty by the public long before he was tried. Nobody believes justice is served. Many seem willing to ignore the findings of the jury in favor of that public opinion, which says he should fry (or be locked away if you're not into the death penalty).

Case 1is that of Zain Dean. Case 2 is that of George Zimmerman.

In Case 1, I'm inclined to agree that public opinion among Taiwanese should not have played a role in Zain Dean's conviction. I don't know what happened, but no matter what it was, the trial itself was almost certainly a joke. I believe that the judge should have followed due process and ignored the Taiwanese media and public clamoring for Dean's head. (From what I've heard, even from students who just assumed he was guilty until I pointed out that it wasn't nearly so assured that he was, judges in Taiwan are influenced by public opinion to convict or aquit far more than they should be).

In case 2, however, I'm inclined to agree with the public opinion. Justice was not served. George Zimmerman is a murderer and America is still a very racist society. I can say that I think due process should be followed, even as Obama speaks out and says that in a land of laws, we must respect the findings of a jury if we want that due process. But...deep down, I think it was just the wrong verdict.

The commonality here is that I do feel the verdicts reached were both the wrong ones, but for very different reasons. And in one, I'm inclined to dismiss public opinion because I happen to not agree with it (or at least, I just don't know anything beyond the fact that the trial was a joke). In the other, I can't bring myself to dismiss public opinion that quickly...because I agree with it.

And it both, race and racism played a huge part in public opinion before and after the verdicts, and probably in the trials themselves.

I'm not sure what conclusions to draw from this, but I can't help but see the parallels here and contemplate my own ideas about when the public is right, and when they're not...and when to respect the verdict of a jury or judge, and when not to.

And once again, I'm reminded of my own privilege. As a white person, I may face prejudice, but I am not nearly as likely to be assumed guilty in Taiwan as Zain Dean (of South Asian descent, I believe) was - damning evidence of racism deeply rooted in Taiwan. In America, I probably wouldn't be seen as "suspicious" enough to shoot without cause, and the system works in my favor. It's amazing how many people are blind to that.

So, do I have a Taiwan State of Mind, or am I the weirdo here?

This seems to be making it big across the blogz and Facebook.

I'll admit, I liked it. Especially the first half. It was cute, well-done, fun, didn't take itself too seriously, and didn't shy away from political truths.

"You should know I bleed green, but I ain't that D-double-P though...Chinese Taipei? Fuck that, you got it all wrong. Taiwan Independence, yo, I'm from Taichung!"

Down with it!

But they lost me at the second half, which was basically a verse and a chorus all about Taiwanese women. 

I'm down with appreciating Taiwanese women. Nothing wrong with liking them. Nothing wrong with including them in a song. But did it have to be half the song? Half a verse would have been better. And of that, all of it was about their appearance (long legs, "city of skin", fake eyelashes). The parts that weren't were about them shopping and using smartphones out in public (I liked the part about the betelnut girls - they're such a part of the culture here that I don't have it in me to get a stick up my butt about them). Seems to me there's more to Taiwanese women than their appearance.

And anyway, what about Taiwanese men? I appreciate them in an "I'm married, so even though they can be good looking I'm not interested" way (I blog about 'em a lot because they don't seem to get enough positive press). You couldn't have half a verse about them?

And finally, they couldn't find anything else to say about Taiwan that could have taken up a bit more song space, so you had to devote half the song to Taiwanese women, their looks and their phones?

I guess, as a woman whose Taiwanese female friends are mostly very smart, independent, fun women whose whole selves total far more than their looks, and who didn't come here for the women (I'm straight), devoting half the song to dating Taiwanese girls (and how good Taiwanese girls look) just lost me. I don't relate. The first half of the verse was fun, but by the end I felt it was a bit objectifying. And I do feel at times the (mostly male) expat community tends to objectify Taiwanese women. Not everyone does this, and certainly not every expat man with a Taiwanese girlfriend or wife does it (I'd never imply that), but it happens enough that this made me a bit uncomfortable.

In some ways I guess my Taiwan experience hasn't mirrored the typical bullet list - if you asked me to write a song about it, first I'd laugh at you, but once I stopped laughing it would include little shout outs to festivals, more about food, Hakka culture, men's Japanese hairdos, weird-ass t-shirts, aboriginal culture and hanging out in mountain towns like Lishan with old people. This is a country in which some people get possessed by deities and beat themselves with spiked clubs, and they couldn't find anything else to rap about for the second half of the song?

It's not totally related to the topic, but close enough that I'll say it here: I do feel like a bit of an outlier in the "international" scene in Taiwan (I don't just mean expats, plenty of locals are in it too, for a variety of reasons). It does feel like it's kind of city-centric and party-centric - hopping between the major west coast points and occasionally visiting the touristy rural areas, without venturing far into the non-touristy ones. Where the main events in life are Ladies' Night, Friday nights out, partying in Kending in the summer, a couple of well-known bars, dating Taiwanese women, restaurants and clubs aaaand...that's about it. It's all "yeah, tonight it's On Tap, maybe I'll see you tomorrow. Girlfriend wants to go to Barcode, maybe before that we can grab some tai-pis at 7-11...naw bro, next week I'm in Taichung, you know how it is, then it's Kending, that'll be awesome, my girlfriend's calling, talk to you later bro". In the interest of not sounding like a total loser, I won't dwell on how "I'm not anti-party! I go out too!" and stick with "...that's fun to a point, but it doesn't do it for me as a lifestyle". And the video, while fun and well-done, did sort of portray Taiwan through "international culture" rather than local eyes.

So maybe that's why I was all in toward the first half of the video and toward the second half my  usual feeling of not fitting in with that culture came back.

Dunno. Maybe I'm just boring.

They Push And They Pull

From here: http://dapili.pixnet.net/album/photo/163886469

This post is about something that's been on my mind these past few days - how hard it is to accurately depict your feelings on expat life in Taiwan in a conversation. I feel like either I end up sounding too negative, or too positive, when really I'm moderate-trending-toward-positive.

Two conversations:

In the first one, I was the only foreign woman on a boat carrying approximately 100 people. Otherwise all the men were foreigners, and all the women were Taiwanese. I don't know how many "ABCs" - or to be more nuanced about it, Westerners of Asian heritage - there were. There was at least one. It turned out later that I was one of two foreign women. I noticed that and commented on it, and although I didn't mean for it to come out particularly negative - negative in terms of the skewed ratios of the expat population, certainly, but not negative in terms of life in Taiwan - it probably did. I probably came across as more bitter than I actually am (which is not very). In another, I was not the only foreign woman there - there were several women, ABC and foreign, and several men of different backgrounds. I was attempting to say how happy I was to see that, that so often it's "Asian women and Western - usually white - men", but again, I probably came off more bitter about it than I actually am.

In the other, I was chatting with a colleague who hates it here. I'm not sure why he's stayed for so long, - the only positive thing I've ever heard him say about Taiwan is a compliment on Taipei's public transportation network (which, let's be honest, is awesome. Poor Taichung. You just don't even know). This coworker is a funny guy and a generally nice person and I don't dislike him. However, whenever he gets on his Taiwan Hate Spree, I feel like I'm put in the position of pointing out all the good things about this country. If he points out the hideous bathroom-tile buildings, I point out the lovely brick Japanese baroque architecture ("but they tore all that down!" "Not all of it, and they're now finally trying to preserve what's left"). If he points out that every taxi driver tries to screw him, I point out that that almost never happens to me, so perhaps he's seeing malice where none is intended (I don't point out that if you can show you speak solid Chinese, beyond knowing your destination, that people are far less likely to try and pull that crap on you). If he points out that "this would never happen in Canada", I point out that his country is far from perfect (although I'll admit it has some strong advantages over the USA) and certainly crazy and annoying stuff happens in Canada, too. All in all, I probably come off as far more starry-eyed about Taiwan than I actually am. I quite possibly sound like someone who thinks this country is perfect.

And...neither are true! I will admit I feel the positives of Taiwan outweigh the negatives by a pretty significant amount. If they didn't, I wouldn't have stayed. Goodness knows I left DC and China after 3 years (not counting college) and 1 year, respectively. They both had their good points, but their negatives outweighed them.

I just feel that, especially in shorter conversations or conversations where you don't know people well, that the natural wending of the discussion will lead many people to come off as too positive, sounding like we think Taiwan is absolutely perfect! In! Every! Way!!, or too negative, in that it! sucks! giant! snakeballs!

If everyone around you is talking about how great Taiwan is and you join in, the one guy who is miserable will assume you're all just brainwashed or full of over-optimism. If everyone around you is having a bit of a whinge (hey, it happens, even for those of us who love it here) and you add your own bad experiences, the one person who loves it here will assume you're all just narrowminded, possibly racist, definitely embittered cultural imperialists.

And yet, if everyone around you is talking about how great Taiwan is and you feel compelled to point out that it's not perfect, everyone else may assume you're, well, narrowminded and bitter (I don't think that happened in my example above, but I've definitely seen it happen - the person who points out a fault is jumped on for being "too negative" when they aren't feeling negative at all, just pointing out one little issue). If everyone is whinging about Taiwan and you feel it's gone a bit 太over啦 (overboard), and start pointing out the positives - as I do with my coworker who will not stop complaining - they may assume you have a head full of stardust (that coworker probably thinks just this about me).

It also happens online - someone who sees one post of yours in a thread either praising or complaining about Taiwan quite possibly assumes that's the sum total, or at least an accurate portrayal, of your entire opinion, and gets a very wrong idea about you.

And, of course, it's also influenced by your mood that day - you may come off as miserable in your life in general if you meet another expat when you happen to be having a bad day or week, or you may come off as Happy Fairy Expat because you happened to have a great day or week. It seems, in the expat world, there isn't much accounting for how you may feel more generally. Either you love or hate it here, and that decision will be made for you by bystanders based on the exact circumstances of that moment, and only those circumstances. I feel people really are more forgiving in their home countries, where most people are culturally integrated. There is more room back home for "she's just having a bad day" or "he's happy with his life, but if you talk to him longer you'll realize he's aware of the negative aspects of his own country, too".

I guess this is because so many expat conversations, especially among people who don't know each other, tend to start out with talking about our lives in Taiwan and what we like or don't like, and snap judgments are made. Not too many conversations in America, unless you're at a Tea Party BBQ I suppose, focus on our lives in America and what we do/don't like about them.

There's no easy answer to this, I just felt like writing about it.

In the end I hope I come off as too positive more often than I do too negative. Frankly, I'd rather have a head full of stardust about where I live. It is where I live after all. May as well try and like it, even on the bad days.

"Hi, can I talk to you? Are you interested in meditation classes? Let's have coffee! What's your phone number?"

I've lived in Taipei for seven years now, and there's something I've noticed that goes on here more than anywhere else I've lived.

It seemed like a good thing at first - a point in Taipei's favor - but after awhile, I started to wonder. Then I had a bad experience, and heard of someone else's bad experience, and started to wonder if there weren't people out there, both local and Western, who were taking advantage of the famous friendliness of Taiwan.

The thing that kept happening to me - and still does, although I deflect it more now - is people coming up to me not only to "chat" but also to "make friends" in a way that seems very purposeful. I'm not talking about the sort of chats where you exchange information after awhile because it seems natural. 

I'm talking about the times when they're aching to be your BEST FRIEND RIGHT NOW. The ones whose initial purpose seems to be chatting, but who are noticeably intent on getting your name, phone number or e-mail address. If they get ahold of your phone number they may call you again and again, inviting you "out" or to "join a cool activity" or to "have coffee with us", and will continue doing so even after you've rejected them a few times.

I am writing about it here because it seems to happen far more often to Westerners, especially women, and because it's really easy to get pulled in by this.

And so, because it seems to disproportionately affect expat women, I felt it was worth it to write something.

The two most common (aside from guys trying to hit on you, occasional people with mental health issues or social awkwardness, and people who want you to be their English-speaking friend or teacher) seem to be people from religious organizations (Buddhist and Christian, mostly) and MLM people (think Amway).

I've been approached several times by the religious people - mostly Westerners studying Buddhism. I live in downtown Taipei, by the way, in Da'an. It seems to happen a lot around Technology Building MRT and Shi-da. There is one organization that seems to do the most recruiting around there, but they are by no means the only one in Taiwan that does this.

What happens to me pretty often is that I'll just be walking  - maybe waiting to cross the street or not, maybe with headphones or not - and a very sincere-sounding person will approach me. In my case it's always been women - a few foreign women and one local. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm moving or if I appear to be listening to headphones. They'll come up and try to talk to me anyway. They might start with just "hi" or "it's nice to see another foreign woman" or "hey, can I talk to you for a second" or "can I ask you a question". One has lots of postcards on hand detailing her organization, another "just happened" to have an artfully rumpled brochure that she could give me ("I'll just get another one!").

In every instance, they start out seeming to just want to chat, but quickly reveal that their main purpose is inviting me to an event or scoring my contact information. These tend to be cultural or spiritual activities, from scenic walks to artistic stuff to, more often, meditation and qigong classes or "studying Buddhism".

The first time someone approached me, I was intrigued and took the brochure. I never did join a class or activity because I didn't have time and am not into religion at all, or even spirituality. I also thought she seemed a bit odd, but hey, I can be socially awkward too so who knows. The second time I began to wonder. The time I got someone who seemed truly dotty who approached me with headphones in I grew suspicious. Why DID this keep happening to me? Wouldn't any reasonable person see 'headphones' and think 'she doesn't want to be bothered'? That's half the reason why I wear them sometimes! Another time, someone tried to approach me with the "it's so good to see another foreign woman" line, "it's tough to be here, alone and single, and all the guys are doing their own thing", she said.

"Yeah...I'm not single, sorry. Actually I'm doing great. But I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. If you'll excuse me, I have to get home." I mean I don't disagree with her that a lot (not all, just a lot) of expat guys are dicks, but I do have a husband and male friends and don't really want to start a conversation by disparaging them. I didn't appreciate the assumption that as a Western woman in Taiwan, I must be single and I must be frustrated. That made me wonder if they specifically target Western women who appear to be single. And if so, it made me wonder why (such women are possibly lonelier, and therefore more vulnerable)?

I started talking to others about it, and found that I'm not the only one. Other female friends have said they've been approached in that area, too. It's weirdly common. Most male friends, including my husband, have not, although my husband says he wears headphones almost all the time in Taiwan. He didn’t in Korea and was frequently approached by Christians inviting him to various church activities. 

So after awhile I started talking to people who have had direct experience with this group. The classes and activities you are invited to are all real. although from what I hear "meditation class" is really just a bunch of people gathering around to chat. It's not a front. But if you start out doing the activities and get more involved in the group, they start to try to get ahold of you. They'll hold classes at odd times of night (depriving you of sleep), tell you that you should talk to "good" people with "good" souls (controlling who you talk to and interact with and making it so that all of your good friends are also in the group), will encourage you to speak about any secrets or past issues that "bother you" so that you can be more "at peace" in studying Buddhism (gathering information about you that they may use against you later), making you feel not "spiritual" enough (think of it as spiritual negging - complimenting you on your achievement but telling you that you must do more, in an attempt to make you feel inadequate) and making you feel that without them - their classes, their teaching, their master - that you will be spiritually bankrupt or are hurting yourself. From what I've learned, most of the bad experiences are among the women - men have an easier time of it. I don't know why.

I've seen it with locals, too. The other day I couldn't help but overhear a conversation between an ABC and a local involved in some Christian group. The ABC was using the same negging tactic and disparaging other Christians and atheists to try to keep the local in the group when the local expressed doubts. It's one thing to be in a group together and support each other - and I don't care if your group is spiritual or not - but another to use manipulative tactics to try to keep people in your group.

And in all cases except the final few, it didn't occur to me to be suspicious because "Taiwan is so friendly". I had my guard down. 

And of course, there are the occasional MLM people.

My first experience of this kind was with a devotee of the Holy God of Amway. I was still pretty new in Taipei. I got to chatting with a Taiwanese woman in a ladies' room at a Zhongshan Hall concert - her being Taiwanese is important to the story, as at the time I had few local friends and I was eager to make more. We hadn't chatted long when she asked to exchange contact information. I thought that was a bit odd, but figured "Taiwan is really friendly, and safer than the USA. Maybe it's a cultural difference or she's just a bit awkward, anyway, you don't have to be as guarded around everyone the way you did in DC."

She kept calling me, inviting me to "have coffee together" and "talk about music" (as we'd both been at a concert and were therefore both ostensibly interested in music). "I know the main performer at the concert," she said, "we're friends. I'll introduce you because I think you would like each other." That was the hook I needed - more local friends! Interesting musician friends! I've missed music so much since graduating from college! Her invitation times were never convenient for me. I actually felt bad turning her down so often, but I just couldn't make the random times she suggested. I think a normal person, feeling like their invitations have been rejected a few times, would probably stop calling. I knew I would. But I was still idiotically duped into thinking "but Taiwan is SO friendly, and the etiquette about this sort of thing is probably different than back home" (hint: it's not).

So one day she suggests a day I happen to be free, and I say yes. Then she says she lives in Taoyuan (!) and can we please meet "in the middle" at Taimall in Nankan. I really wish I'd just said no, it's Taipei or nothing, but I'd already turned her down so many times and felt bad. So we ended up on a bus to Nankan, had coffee not at Taimall but at some Amway center behind it, and then got dragged through a presentation I couldn't wait to get away from. You should have seen me sprinting off that bus with Brendan in tow. She never called me again. I never did meet those musicians, surprise surprise.

I was lucky it was just Amway, in retrospect. I have most certainly heard of young foreign women at the business end of cons to trick them into prostitution rings, cults and worse (I have not heard of anything like kidnapping or murder, or rape - although I feel you could call "tricked into joining a prostitution ring" rape, as by the time you figure out what's up, you're quite likely to also be in a position where it's submit or be beaten, held hostage, threatened or killed).

The second time someone was similarly friendly (an older woman on the MRT), I again had to turn down a lot of invitations, again felt bad. She kept calling "to have coffee" and after awhile I felt - "this is just weird". I decided not to take her calls. My previous experience was telling me something wasn’t right. She finally gave up.

The warning here isn't just "don't be dumb like me" - although that's part of it. It's this: Taiwan is an extremely friendly country and for the most part it's safe. All this "Western women being led to prostitution rings" is the exception, not the norm, and seems to be less common than it was 20 years ago.  Even if you are a savvy traveler and would beat a hasty retreat at such over-friendliness in other countries, it's easy to let the soft lullaby of "it's safe here" dull your instincts. Especially if you are female and you've spent your entire life keeping your guard up, expending energy maintaining your psychic and physical fortifications, and you're just tired. The break - the desire to just trust without worrying too much - can be very tempting. And in Taiwan, for the most part, you can give in a little bit and still be safe. But you can't let that blunt your most basic instincts - you don't need to always be ready to kick someone in the soft&delicates (like I was in DC), but there still needs to be some modicum of savviness.

So let the warning be clear: Taiwan is very friendly. People who come up to chat with you are mostly harmless. But "overfriendliness" to the point of pointedly asking for your contact information before you've even really gotten to know the person...that's just as weird here as it is in other countries. Someone commenting on your Chinese ability and then chatting with you for a second is normal and fine (if you don't find it annoying - I don't). Someone approaching you under no pretext, or a flimsy one, and being just as interested in your e-mail address as actually talking to you - that's not normal here. That's not "Taiwan's famous friendly culture". Don't fall for it.

Don't be taken in. Be on your guard, just a little bit. Chat with people, but know where the line is. Above all, be aware. Don't get pulled into a bad situation.If you feel a group is trying to dig its claws into you, if they are trying to get you to come in at odd hours, attend classes at midnight, call you in for no reason at all, tell you who you should and shouldn't talk to, gather information on your past issues or make you feel inadequate as you are, GET OUT.

If someone you have talked to for a total of two minutes keeps calling to invite you out "for coffee", that coffee will most likely either be at a religious center or an Amway center. Don't go.

Taiwan is safe, but that doesn't mean it's utopia.