"I Have To"

I've noticed something recently, and I'm not quite sure I can pinpoint the reasons behind it - so I'm hoping for some enlightenment.

When teaching presentation and meetings skills, I often do a practice session on giving opinion - different ways to ask for and give opinions and their more subtle meanings and strengths - for example, "From my side" is a way to acknowledge that your view may not be true from another perspective, whereas "I'm inclined to think" intones less commitment to your opinion. "As far as I'm concerned" is a bit stronger, and "I've come to the conclusion that" implies that you've thought about the issue for awhile. Things like that.

Then we practice giving our opinions on various business- or industry-related topics - and some that are not so business-y, though I never get closer to politics than "What are your thoughts on the rise of China?". I throw a few fun ones in there ("What's your take on betel nut beauties?"), too.

Here are some betel nut beauties for you. Got your attention now? Good.

And here is a sampling of the most common type of reply I used to get, until I specified what I meant by "opinion":

"How do you feel about wage stagnation?"

"We have to accept it."

"What's your take on learning English?"

"I have to do it for my job."

"How do you feel about mandatory unpaid leave?"

"We have to deal with that in the global economic downturn."

"What are your feelings on your current career?"

"It's OK...I must do it."

"How do you feel about the outsourcing of manufacturing jobs to China?"

"We need to accept it."

"What's your take on the Eurozone problems?"

"They have to fix that."

"How do you feel about your next product launch?"

"We need to work overtime to finish that."

"What are your reactions to current levels of R&D funding?"

"I must handle that."

And so on.

See what I'm getting at here? These aren't opinions. When I start to notice this in a class, stop the activity and point out that "I have to do it" isn't an opinion - I don't like it or it's a good idea or that would be profitable or the company should do that or this is/isn't satisfactory/interesting/important/vital - those are opinions.

Yes, I made sure that everyone understands each question and potential problem word before we begin.

The upside is that once I point out that "I have to do it" is not an opinion, they generally do get the point and start giving real thoughts, but it surprises (and, frankly, worries) me that I so often have to give that push. In a Western business or class setting, it wouldn't be necessary. Ask about teaching methods, wage stagnation, foreign language, infrastructure, China...you'll get all sorts of opinions and thoughts.

Another upside is that not every question gets this answer - ask about infrastructure, anything cultural (food, betel nut, convenience stores, Asian vs. American flight attendants, parenting) and you're more likely to get a real opinion.

So I've been wondering:

Is this a basic cultural difference?

Is it common in Taiwan, if you figure you can't change something, to accept it rather than give an opinion on it, or even cultivate an opinion on it?

Is it (heaven forfend) an idea that their opinion isn't important?

Is it because their opinion is negative and they don't want to sound, well, too negative?

Is it because they simply don't have an opinion, so rather than admit that, they'll seize on a fact?

Is it that they're shy for whatever reason to give opinions so freely (I don't think I inspire fear or shyness, but hey...)

Is this a Taipei or northern Taiwan thing? I have to point out that if one asks someone from southern Taiwan their opinion, they'll bloody well give it to you and give it to you good (if you ask a taxi driver (s)he may start flailing his arms and forget he's driving while racing down the road as he tells you exactly what (s)he thinks). I only really notice it in Taipei.

As the commenter below pointed out - is it that many Taiwanese people are "afraid" or "shy" when it comes to giving out their opinions to strangers or foreigners?

Food for thought anyway.

I have to go to bed now. ;)

Honeymoon Redux II: Honduras

When I think of the Honduras, I can't help but think of this photo or one like it (from the Sydney Morning Herald years ago, who got it from Reuters). Look at that picture now and ask yourself:

"Which one of those two had a worse 2009?"

Anyway.

Traveling in the Honduras is a bit of a paradox: it's one of the most dangerous (if not the most dangerous) country in Central America, with a reputation for armed robberies even on luxury buses, a long tradition of carrying concealed and not-so-concealed weapons, a Caribbean coast overrun with drug runners and a capital city that every travel guide advises you to take taxis in rather than walk (some say it's OK to walk around in daylight, but none advise this at night).

And yet, for us, it was one of the easier countries to get through. We didn't stop much, though, considering the reputation of the place - we're not big fans of being robbed at gunpoint on our honeymoon.

To be fair, Honduras wasn't that unsafe. We went straight from Granada to Tegucigalpa in one day (that is one long bus ride, let me tell you) with a stopover in Jicaro Galan. We spent the rainy night in Tegucigalpa at Hotel Linda Vista - so chosen because it is in the more upscale neighborhood of Colonia Palmira - we didn't feel personally at risk there. Do book ahead if you want to stay there - you can call once you arrive in Central America.

We took the first overpriced taxi that appeared at the bus stop in Tegucigalpa - rainy, dark, and in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city (which is one of the most crime-ridden cities in the region). It cost $10 USD, but it was worth it for piece of mind.

The taxi was so ancient and rickety that it shook in odd places whenever we hit a pothole - both Brendan and I were convinced that it was going to start slowly falling apart, random pieces falling off down the road, and at the end the last wheel would give out and we'd be left standing in the street with the driver, confused but unhurt as a long trail of taxi parts littered the road behind us.

The next day we had breakfast and immediately boarded a Hedman Alas bus to Copan Ruinas near the Guatemalan border. The security check to board the bus was stricter than at most airports I've visited (and I've visited quite a few) - they checked two forms of ID, took our pictures and matched them to our name and ticket, inspected and x-rayed our bags, handled our bags (we were not allowed to touch them until we reached Copan Ruinas, even when we stopped in San Pedro Sula) and patted us down with hands and metal detectors.

Hedman Alas had probably had some problems with gangs and armed robberies and instituted the new measures to improve the safety of their passengers. Which was...comforting.

Central Honduras is a gorgeous place, with hilltop vistas, pine trees and soaring views through the mountainous, vertiginous countryside. I did feel that if we stopped in some of the small towns we passed that we'd be fairly safe, and would like to return someday to explore those areas, even though I'd take pains to avoid Tegucigalpa and San Pedro Sula.

By the way, don't take a rickshaw from the bus station when you arrive, or if you do, bargain them down to about $1 US. It's not $3, 4 or 5 as they try to tell you. The usual in-town price for a ride is a buck...but honestly, if your luggage is light you can walk into town and find a hotel fairly easily. We did, as a rickshaw followed us insisting on "$3! Normal price I tell you!" (It reminded me a bit of India in that way).

For all those worried about safety in Copan Ruinas - don't be. People will overcharge you for souvenirs and rickshaw rides (especially right off the bus), but that's about it. ATMs and even the local coffee shop are guarded by semiautomatic-wielding security guards, and you are basically safe: Copan Ruinas and Roatan (an island off the Caribbean coast) are the two main tourist draws, so the tourist police have a strong presence there, which tends to keep funny business at bay.

We had planned to spend a day in Copan Ruinas but after our two-day long bus trip (for which it rained the entirety of one day - so much so that across Nicaragua villagers were coming out to look at the swollen waters under the bridges we crossed) we decided to budget two days, and take the second day to (mostly) relax.

One thing I definitely noticed was the greater influence of Mexican culture: in Panama, it felt very South American - wetter, a bit more humid perhaps, and laid-back. Here, the cowboy hats were out in force, as were the mustaches. Brendan asked me if he should try to blend in by wearing jeans with a pistol slung in a holster, a giant cowboy hat and a bushy mustache...er, no thanks. It was also true that carrying guns was much more "done" here - we didn't see many people openly slinging firearms in Panama or Costa Rica, but by the time we hit Honduras, everyone was packin' heat!

On the first day, we visited the Ruinas themselves - Mayan ruins of the ancient capital of Copan. The ruins are famous for their intricate, detailed carvings and inscriptions. Though there are some flat pyramid-style structures and a few high walls and a staircase or two, you won't find the towering, massive temples of Tikal here: the emphasis is on smaller pieces, but with much more design and flair. To be honest, as someone who creates art inspired by mehndi designs, I preferred the aesthetics of Copan to those of Tikal.

As you can see in many of the carvings, the remnants of paint still cling to the stone: it is believed that many of these were brightly painted in their day.

You can also see that the people of Copan were fascinated by death and death rituals - frightening old, demonic faces and skulls are found in all sorts of places across the ruins (which span two fields) and the Copan Ruinas museum (which is definitely worth the price of admission). The Mayan use of skulls and other death symbols is stronger here than at any other known site of ruins - if I'm wrong on that, please do leave a comment!

Copan Ruinas is perhaps best known for its Petroglyph Staircase (also called the "Hieroglyph Stairway")- a tall set of stairs covered in inscriptions, many of them worn down from generations of people being allowed to climb the stairs. The stairs are now off limits to further preserve the petroglyphs, and covered by a protective tarp that is somewhat mood-smothering, but they're still awe-inspiring.

Simple called "The Old Man Face", this is one of my favorite carvings at Copan Ruinas.

The backs of god statues are covered in inscriptions/petroglyphs: I'm not sure what they say because I am not familiar with Ancient Mayan - fancy that - but they're cool nonetheless. The front of the statues look remarkably like Hindu god sculptures in India (I'm no conspiracy theorist, though).

Another thing I noted is how much the decorations often resemble Shang dynasty Chinese art with their angular, almost keyhole-like designs. Again, not so into conspiracy theories and the eras were totally off - I think it's more that angular keyhold designs with details and squared-off swirls is an aesthetically pleasing configuration that two cultures happened to think of at different times. It happens!

A petroglyph. In Copan Ruinas town you can buy silver-pewter reproductions of these petroglyphs strung into necklaces. They're gorgeous but expensive (a little overpriced if you ask me, for something that is not sterling)

On the second day we visited Macaw Mountain - a natural rehabilitation center for injured or mistreated birds. The $10 entrance fee goes to fund the rehabilitation, so it's well worth it. Included is a free tour (it's nice to tip) and it's a lovely place to wander around by yourself or have a coffee, too.

It was a great place to relax on our second day without stressing too much - a necessary bit of unwinding considering our long bus and van ride to Tikal the next day.

The highlight was when some birds were allowed out of their cages and placed on us:

Persian food! In Taipei! Yum!

Persian Heaven
Corner of Nanjing and Guangfu Roads (southeast side)

Taipei

We ate at Persian Heaven today, after both of us passed it on buses (at two different times) and made a note to the effect of "we have to eat there!" (Only later did I realize it was reviewed by the Taipei Times in 2010). Persian food in Taipei? I'm there!

As someone of Armenian descent alongside the Polish, the food of my mother's family resembles Iranian food in a lot of important ways - especially where kebabs are concerned (my mother's family also used to apparently have a house in Iran before they got kicked out of Turkey in 1915-1922 - we're not sure whatever happened to that).

With this culinary knowledge, I used to cook all sorts of delicacies with my friend M. back home (name shortened because it's unique enough that if you search for just her first name, you only get two posts, and she's a lawyer so she can't have random stuff about her bopping about the Internet) - while we were in college we'd make ghorme sabze, kebabs, babaghanoush, hummus, lahmajoun, tabbouleh, dolma (most people know it as stuffed grape leaves, I know dolma as stuffed vegetables), sarma (stuffed grape leaves), pomegranate salad, feta with mint sauce, kofta, mint tea, yoghurt, cucumber-tomato salad...and pick up a pint of milk, saffron or rose Iranian kulfi (ice cream) to finish it off.

We'd douse it all with the right blend of citrus, salt and sumac (yes, sumac like the plant - the powder made from it is actually quite tasty and used as a seasoning in the Near and Middle East) Then we'd invite all our friends to my apartment or the rooftop deck of her dorm to eat the lot of it, and they'd be forever in our debt.

I'm used to having to cook Armenian and Iranian food in Taipei stuff by myself - I usually stick with the easy stuff - the salads, the mint tea, the hummus and babaghanoush. I haven't tried to make a full on shishkebab, lahmajoun, dolma or ghorme sabze in years. Some things are just too hard to do right in a Taiwanese kitchen. I'm sorry, but it's true.

So imagine my delight when I noticed this restaurant. We had to eat there. We just had to.

My short, personal review? Delicious. I had the korbideh kebab set with yoghurt soup (delish), the chicken roll (really nice, though I don't quite get why there was a maraschino cherry on top), the feta salad (loved the tangy herbal dressing) and the halwa. Brendan had a stew with lamb and eggplant, the tomato-cucumber salad (just right), the yoghurt soup and the rice pudding.

The lot of it was awesome. The only let-down was the bread, but I prefer my kebabs with bread, so whatreyagonnado?

I did rather like the Iranian techno music playing, and the place looks like it turns into a hookah bar after hours, so we'll definitely check that out (no, we don't smoke hookahs normally - once every five years or so, to be honest - but it is something of my heritage and I've been really getting into family culture these days). There have been hookah bars that have come and gone in Taipei - a rather horrid place in Ximen, The Bed2 (now out of business) and a place that no longer exists in Shi-da. This place seems like your best bet if you're into good Iranian fare and a nice nargileh.

The color-changing neon disco lights under the bar made me feel like the place was run by these guys:

(from South Park Studios - the Persians take over in South Park's parody of 300)

OK, OK that wasn't nice, but dude, check out the disco light under the bar. That's all I'm sayin'.

By the way, for all of you who want to know how to make that deliciously simple tomato cucumber salad?

Easy.

Peel and dice one large cucumber and 3-5 mid-size very ripe tomatoes (make sure to cut out the entirety of the tough part around the stem). Try to make the cubes small and equal in size. Sliver half an onion into very small slivers and add that. Douse in lemon juice and salt and a touch of black pepper. You can add some finely chopped fresh mint *or* (not and - or) parsley, too. Allow to sit for an hour or so to let the flavors mingle. Done. I've been making that salad since I was 12.

Honeymoon Redux I: Guatemala

Continuing in the vein of procrastinating on finishing the post I meant to work on, I figured it was about time to post better, edited photos from our honeymoon. I decided to work my way backwards, starting with Guatemala (our final destination) and ending, five posts later, with Panama (our first stop). I won't do all five posts at once, but will instead space them out over next week.

I also chose to do Guatemala first because while we were on the honeymoon itself, I posted updates with unedited photos from every country except that one, where between the ruins, paradisical turquoise pools and colonial grandeur of Antigua, we were just too busy.

We began in Guatemala with Tikal, which I believe is a legally mandated stop for all tourists to Guatemala. If you don't go, they cane you or something.

The fun thing about Tikal was that you can climb many of the temples via added staircases on the side, built out of the main range of vision so that they don't obstruct the view, and clamoring tourists won't wear down the stone steps.

As you can see, the temples at Tikal are massive, but also mostly unadorned. (This is a view of Temple V).

I strongly recommend, even if you stay in the nearby backpacker haven of Flores for part of your stop in Tikal (Flores is a lovely place to hang out for a day or two, by the way), that you spend at least one night near Tikal itself. There are cheap food options and you can stay rather affordably - if you're not a backpacker - at the Tikal Inn or other places.

Why do this? Well, if you buy a ticket for Tikal at 3:30pm, they won't punch it, so you can use it all day the next day. In the early hours of the morning, you wake up to the screams of howler monkeys (which is all cool and jungle-y and, despite it being primates rather than reptiles, sounds like something out of Jurassic Park). You can be at the park in the early morning and late evening, when there are fewer tourists. That's when you'll start seeing monkeys and coatimundi.
Here's an antiqued view of either Temple I or II from the top of Temple V.

On the way to the poetically named Temple of the Inscriptions (which is honestly something of a letdown - you can't get up close, there's really only one major engraving and it's in a greater state of ruin than the others) we walked along a quiet trail - famous for being a hangout for thugs before the site had adequate police protection, which was worrisome - and we saw many insects, butterflies and a coatimundi.
Leafcutter ants make for great photographs!

I love the gnarled roots in this faded-out photo of Semuc Champey, 60 kilometers from Coban (20 of those kilometers are pure hell on bumpy mud roads).

To get there from Tikal, we took a shared van - but the direct route from Sayaxche was flooded out, so we had to go south and west via Rio Dulce. Go plot Flores to Coban via Rio Dulce and you'll see how trying that was.

Semuc Champey is near the small town of Lanquin, which is both friendly and picturesque.

Semuc Champey is a series of pools of varying color filled with clear, swimmable water. It was made when a natural limestone bridge formed over a river, and more water cascaded over the stone. The color of the water varies in jewel tone from aquamarine to turquoise to emerald.

Every town in Guatemala has its church, and Lanquin is no exception.

I love this photo for its simplicity (for the record, I did ask and they were happy to pose).

We stayed at El Retiro - deservedly popular with backpackers, it's scenic, friendly and relaxing, and only a short walk from Lanquin town. It was definitely worth it to stay there, even though the culture there is more early-twenties and we were thirty year olds on a honeymoon (they do have private rooms).

From Lanquin, we took a charter van to Antigua (not wanting to stay in Guatemala City at all). We stayed at Casa Cristina, a charmingly cozy and affordable hotel near Iglesia de la Merced. I highly recommend it.

I'm a big fan of the giant rosaries draped on the front of some churches, and Iglesia de la Merced is no exception.

The Arco Santa Catalina - no pictoral of Antigua is complete without it, even though I didn't get a truly great picture. It was originally built so that nuns living in the monastery could cross the street to the other monastic building without being seen.

The fountain in the town square just after sunset - you can see a bit of the town cathetdral in the background in white plaster.

I'm not sure what I like more about this photo - the "Bronze" sign, the fairy light nativity scene or the overall composition.

Guatemala was hit by a devastating earthquake in the 1700s and some things were never rebuilt, including this Monstery of the Recollection on the edge of town.

One thing I loved about Antigua were all the oddball door knockers, including this one of a rodent of some sort - there were also upturned heads, hands, tigers, dogs, demons, old men and myriad other designs.

Parts of Antigua are still a bit untouched-up - it shows that this city was lifted out of disrepair by all that has still not been done. The city is full of Maya who come in to sell their wares to tourists.

Behind the white facade of the church above, you'll find the ruins of the old church with it's blown-out domes - when clouds float overhead through the openings it's magical. This is one ruin, like the Recollection, better left as is.

The skyline of Antigua is dominated by this volcano - this picture, by the way, was taken from our hotel room ($5 for a volcano view - totally worth it).

Another awesome door-knocker.

Guatemala City has such an awful reputation that we skipped it altogether, taking a shared van from Antigua straight to the airport when it was time to fly home. I've heard way too many sketchy and disturbing things about Guate to ever want to go there.

Turkey!

Hi all.

Still working on that cultural appropriation post - it's taking longer than I thought, because it's an extremely complex topic.

In the meantime, hey. News. We're officially going to Turkey! We have plane tickets and everything. We'll spend a month traveling around (we'll be sure to return to my maternal ancestral homeland in that time, as well as visiting Mount Ararat - a potent symbol of the Armenian people - and Izmir, the port from which my family escaped Turkey after the 1922 fire.

Then we'll head to Istanbul for a month to take a course before heading home to visit family for a few weeks, and returning to Taiwan from there. All in all we'll be gone for 2 1/2 months.

Woo!

Western Women and Weighty Issues of Weight in Taiwan

The working title of this post was "Weighty Western Women" but then I decided that set a very wrong tone indeed.

Anyway, Shu Flies recently published a great post about body issues and living in Taiwan, and covered the issue quite well from the perspective of a Taiwanese-American (although it could be extended to include East Asian women in general). She also noted the launch of a new site aimed at discussing body issues in the Asian female community - a site I'll definitely keep tabs on, but as a Western woman (OK, white - I'm just gonna say white. I'm so post politically correct - I also answer to "Wonderbread" and "Correction Fluid J") it's not really my community, y'know?

I thought I'd write this post as a rejoinder on what it's like living in Taiwan as a Woman of Curvature.

I do not often talk about appearance or body issues on this blog because I simply choose not to. No, I am not entirely pleased with my body as it is, but I've accepted it in the way one accepts flaws in the personality of one's cat (not that I'd know anything about that) - yeah, it can be annoying but you love it anyway, because it's yours. I also do feel that the Internet can be a hostile place for women, and don't wish to put my appearance out there too much for the potentially nasty comments of an anonymous public who don't know me and have no right to judge.

Egypt 2009 (I'm the same size as I was then) - I never felt as though I was/am unacceptably huge but, like most people, a few sizes down would be dandy

But here, I'll talk about it. And here's how it is: I go on and on about how Taiwan boasts a more egalitarian, female-friendly society than any other in Asia. I've mentioned that feminity garners respect, that female politicians are judged based on their competency, not their looks. I've noted that their maternity and child-raising culture is more professional-female friendly, and that issues surrounding marriage and low birth rates say just as much in favor of women's equality as they do against it. I've noted that key positions in some very high-profile companies are often held by women and that women are encouraged to be business owners, lawyers, doctors, politicians and generally high achievers by their parents (most of the time). The situation is generally pretty good. There's room for improvement, of course, but it's a damn sight more palatable than in any other Asian country.

But here? When it comes to weight, body acceptance and respect regardless of size and body type? I'm sorry, Taiwan, but you've got it wrong. When it comes to this, you are just as backward and misogynist as the rest of the continent can be.

I'm not saying that Taiwan is worse than Japan, Korea or China: when it comes to women and size acceptance, it's equally bad. That's a sad thing indeed, considering how not size-accepting those cultures are. The pain it clearly causes Asian women of any size other than the expected one (on the short side, slender to a fault, boyish hips, tiny butt, no boobs) - not to mention any skin color or eye shape - is a travesty. When salesladies act like your ass changes weather patterns, as Catherine wrote, something is very, very wrong.

For a society that has done so well in accepting female equality and opportunity, I am still gobsmacked at how...how...downright medieval it all is. I'd say "patriarchal", and men of all races with unrealistic expectations do play a part, but let's be honest. Women bring this not upon themselves but they do so often foist it on others. Salesladies, Mean Girls, well-meaning elders who say exactly the wrong thing, frenemies - we do it to each other.

As a white woman living in Taiwan, I do have a "Get Out of Jail Free" card when it comes to body size. Being white means a certain expectation of being...ahem..."fat". It is true that the average Caucasian female can't hope, even through the unhealthiest dieting, to approach the size and body type of the 'ideal' Asian female - we simply have bigger hips, more boobage, wider ribcages and shoulders and we're taller and bigger in general. It wouldn't matter if I lost all the weight I'd like to lose - I'd still be "fat" in Taiwan. What can I say - I'm Polish and Armenian and built like I was meant to push a plow. Eastern European women just...are that way. At a weight I feel good about, I'm a 12. 12 is "fat" in Taiwan. At a weight that allows me to indulge in life's pleasures (if I want to be a 12 I have to never eat bread, drink beer or basically eat anything I like, ever, even if I exercise), I'm a 14.

At my thinnest, as in rib-countingly thinnest, I'm a size 10. I came back from India in 2000 after a bout of dysentery, six months as a vegetarian (my host family was veg, so by default so was I) and a month riding the trains and eating very little as a result. I was a 10. A 10 is "fat" here, too. This is one area where I'll disgree with Catherine - she said you can't shop in regular stores if you're above a 12. I have made Western friends in Taiwan who wore an 8 and they couldn't shop locally. "Normal" sizes stop at 8, but if you have the curves and height of the average white woman, that 8 is still going to pull in all the wrong places, strain at the seams around your womanly attributes, and probably be far too short.

The only upside to this is the fact that it's expected here: you're a Westerner, of course you're "fat". It's OK.

I've also got my height to my advantage. At 5'8", I'm tall for a woman even in the USA and, I swear, tall for a man in Taiwan. My Polish Brick Shithouse bone structure is good for one thing:

That's not to say that I don't occasionally get well-meaning but entirely irritating comments from Old Taiwanese Ladies - Old Wu, my favorite neighborhood ancient lady, once offered me some meat buns as I walked by. I said no, thanks, I just ate but thanks so much. Mmmm, she replied, "if you want to lose weight you should eat less and exercise more". Thanks, Old Wu. I totally didn't know that!

Another older woman - I don't know her name - likes to come up to me, smack me gently in the tummy, and give her sage crone's opinion on whether I've gained or lost weight. She does sometimes say "妳變瘦了呢!" but still...thanks, Old Taiwanese Lady. Thanks.

Over Chinese New Year, I got a Torture Lady massage out in Kaohsiung County. "You need this massage because your muscles are tired, because you're fat. You're fat because your qi is stuck," she said to me as she pounded away.

"Your qi is stuck. That's why you're fat." "Did she just call me fat?" "Yes. Sorry Jenna." "Argh.....OW!"

I will say that other than Old Taiwanese Ladies, though, I don't get judgemental comments, and those Old Taiwanese Ladies don't mean it the way a Westerner would take it: at least, I don't think they mean "you are unacceptable! You need to lose weight right now!" when they say "Oh, that's because you're fat" or "you've gained weight" - they mean exactly what they say without the catty undertones I might expect back home. (Catherine has a point that size acceptance has made great leaps in the USA, but the cattiness hasn't quite gone away. If you don't believe me, check Craigslist...pretty much anywhere).

I never have to deal with rude salesladies because I cannot shop in normal stores in Taiwan. Full stop. Not happening, ever. Even if I lose weight: I'd still have too-wide hips and be too tall. If it helps, I can't buy shoes, either, unless I go to Sandy Ho. I pretty much have to order my clothes from abroad, get them tailored or buy old lady clothes.

This makes me sad - I've lived here for years and met many Taiwanese women of varying sizes. They are not exactly a hidden subgroup, and while they may not be in the majority, they're certainly not such a minority that they deserve the retail treatment they get. This population deserves more than the teenybopper fashions at 5XL (what an offensive name, too), Crazy Dragon Lady Chinese outfits (which I totally wear) and the matronly clothes on offer at H&L (which is at least respectably named).

So in this way, Taiwan still has a long way to go until it can claim to truly be woman-friendly - as unfortunate as it is, size still is primarily a female issue, and greater expectations regarding i are heaped on women by their parents, magazine and newspaper pieces and ads, each other, men in their dating spheres and society at large.

Now, unlike Catherine, I have never suffered from depression, and while I'm not entirely satisfied with my body as it is, it's never been something I fretted too much over. I won't hide it, though - or rather, I will reveal here what I do hide: my insecurity is such that when it comes to photos, I apply the same old tricks to hide a size that I don't like being. I do the whole "lean into husband" thing:

Or the "cut off at the edge of the picture thing:

Or the "you may photograph my entire body but only in this outfit which is flattering" thing:

I will say that the expectation that I be "fat" is freeing in a way: if it's an issue of "oh, you're white, so it's fine", then it's racist, sure, but the attitude of "it's normal for you" makes me feel like, well, yes, I am built like Peasant Magda and so I'm never going to be thin, so in a way it is normal for me. Back home, there seems to be this idea that if I shed a ton of weight that it might be possible to actually look like those girls on magazine covers. At least here, everybody knows that's ludicrous.

One thing I do have to my advantage beyond height: I have more boob-tacular boobaliciousness than my Asian sisters. So hey, in at least one case, Polish genes for the win?

I'm not talking about accepting poor health, by the way. I simply believe that healthy women come in all sizes, including those not represented by models and actresses. I believe in accepting a range of natural sizes and shapes in women. Yes, obesity is a health issue and should be treated as such, but we're not talking obesity here. We're simply talking differently-sized women.

And when it comes to differently-sized women, Taiwan, like its East Asian neighbors, needs to buck up and get with the program. It is absolutely not acceptable to insist on such an unhealthy standard for women here.

So where do they get it right? Where, besides America, has size acceptance really worked for a culture? Most of Sub-Saharan Africa (and even North Africa to an extent - there is no shame in being curvy in Morocco or Egypt) for one, and to an extent, India. Yes, India. I know, I know, the matrimonial ads (don't even get me started on those: foreign graduated fine-featured male seeks wife with wheatish complexion, willing to move abroad, medical degree preferred, slim, healthy, caste no bar) are full of weight-hatin' nonsense, but there is an undercurrent, culturally, in accepting that beauty comes in different forms and a curvier Indian woman will be accepted for who she is. It's almost expected that after marriage she'll put on weight, and certainly expected after childbirth - motherhood in all its manifestations is celebrated, including the addition of a little extra padding.

Author's note:

This post is not about accepting and celebrating obesity (as I did mention above, but maybe I need to say it twice). It is not even about being "overweight" or "fat", although weight is a factor. It is simply about being differently shaped and sized than the average woman in the country in which I live, and "differently shaped and sized" does not necessarily mean overweight...and overweight does not automatically equate to obese. This post is for Western women who are taller, curvier or simply have a larger bone structure than the average Taiwanese woman: that means, basically, almost all of us.

This post is also not about bashing slender or petite women. I don't do woman-bashing. There's enough of that on the Internet - I believe in support, kindness and acceptance. I have nothing against naturally slender Asian women. Hey, good for them! I cannot, however, condone diet pills and unhealthy levels of dieting. I cannot condone the size-based judgement and contempt with which women scare each other every day. I cannot condone "underweight" as something desireable, and you know (yes, you do) that this happens all the time in Taiwan.

Normally, I am happy to allow comments with dissenting views and even a bit of snark - I'm all about having tough conversations on certain topics. This post, however, has the potential to generate a lot of invective and as it does deal with some personal (and flash-fight-friendly) issues, I'm controlling comments with an iron fist. Your comment will not be published - and possibly not even read in its entirety - if it:

1.) Assumes that overweight=obese

2.) Has any hate-filled, sanctimonious, prejudiced or condescending language

3.) Takes any sort of sexist or misogynist stance towards women and weight

4.) Takes any sort of racist stance towards women and weight

5.) Assumes (wrongly) that this post is about accepting or celebrating obesity

6.) Assumes (wrongly) that this post is simply about being "overweight" and not about fundamentally different sizes and shapes in Taiwan.

7.) Automatically assumes that thin=healthy

The Internet can be a hostile place for women generally and there is a lot of anonymous hate out there. I will not contribute to that.

I like to give my opinion.

Hey all. Go buy a Taipei Times tomorrow (Sunday) and check the opinion page. Thanks!