Sri Lanka: Kandy-land Adventure

I apologize for not posting for two weeks - I took on a crazypants teaching schedule, trying to save money before I make a change in August, and haven't had much time for blogging. I also worked my way through The Forty Days of Musa Dagh after reading a few other things on my list (Hiking Through History and The Oracle of Stamboul), and that took up a lot of my time.

What's more, I've been thinking more seriously of making jewelry to actually sell - although I haven't started yet, just planning what to make and what I'll need - if I decide to do it at all - is taking up time.

And sadly, blogging fell by the wayside.



I believe this is my last batch of Sri Lanka photos (I have to check and see if the Galle photos ever made it up, and later on I'll throw up a few Colombo shots), and I don't have too much to say beyond basic travelogue stuff. But I should note a few things about similarities between Sri Lanka and Taiwan.

I mean, there are the obvious things, like how they're both islands off a major landmass that is also one country, and both independent (although Taiwan is only de facto, Sri Lanka is de jure). They both have monkeys. They are both often overlooked in favor of their larger and more powerful neighbors.



But there's more.

Both have an ethnic minority of another race that has influence over the culture (Tamils in Sri Lanka, aborigines and Hakka here - some will argue that Hakka is not an ethnic minority. OK, you could say that, but they are a cultural and linguistic one).

They both are relatively small players in the world economy (Sri Lanka moreso than Taiwan) next to a major player, but both have higher per capita GDP statistics than their "big, rich" neighbor. Both are more prosperous when you consider individual standard of living than their neighbor. Both are easier to deal with as destinations than traveling in their neighbor (I love India, but Sri Lanka was an easier place to visit).



They both have some unfortunate politics worth discussing. I was not pleased that the LTTE lost the civil war - I was rooting for them to at least win concessions, autonomy or some sort of enforced legislation of equal treatment and opportunity. This is in part because I lived in Tamil Nadu in India and so have something of a connection to Tamil culture although I am not Tamil myself, and in part because they fought back against true discrimination. They didn't deserve to lose, and they're not doing much better now than they were when the war began.

And of course, Taiwan has to deal with all that China bullshit.



They both have monkeys!

But seriously, they both have cultural traditions that involve tiny shrines everywhere. Along the road in Sri Lanka, much like in Taiwan (but not China, in my observation), there are small Buddhist shrines (and a few Hindu ones too), that you can stop and pray at, or are there just to keep farms, fields or property safe and in god's grace. In Taiwan, of course, you'll see Earth God (土地公) shrines everywhere, and a few others (Matsu is popular) scattered around, too.



Their cultures are both too often considered the same or "close enough" to their larger, more well-known neighbors.



They are both influenced strongly not only by their Big Strong Neighbor, but also by other nearby islands - as is the case with island nations in proximity to other ones. Taiwan is deeply influenced by Japan by both proximity, cultural affinity (including post-WWII when Taiwan was one of the only - the only? - Asian nation to not despise or resent Japan) and colonization. Sri Lanka has flavors of Indonesia in its art, traditions, architecture and cooking - you see woodcarving that's more reminiscent of Bali, "tiki" style thatch roofs more commonly seen in Sumatra and Java, food that reminds me of Padang cuisine almost as much as it does Indian curry, greater use of coconut and an affinity for "sambol", which is basically spicy Indonesian sambal with coconut.

Even their art has lines - look at the legs of the carved dancer below - that remind me of Indonesian Hindu/Buddhist art more than Indian.

Some of their dances seem more Indonesian than Indian, but I am hardly an expert in Sri Lankan dance tradition.



Anyway, these photos were taken in Kandy, Sri Lanka's cultural capital (think of it as the Tainan of Sri Lanka, Galle as the Lugang of Sri Lanka, the southern beaches as the Kending of Sri Lanka, Ella/Nuwara Eliya as the Alishan of Sri Lanka...they could all almost be sister cities/sister destinations).

 

The afternoon we arrived, after a nauseating bus trip, we waited out a rainstorm (common in Kandy in the afternoon) and headed to the Temple of the Tooth (above), where it's said that they keep a tooth of the Buddha. I'm not sure if it's real - it's been absconded with, taken to India and brought back enough times that it could well be a fake - but the temple is lovely.



We went to a fun, but basic, tea museum the next day, taking a rickshaw up the mountain and walking down to enjoy the weather and scenery. And we saw this:





...and passed a Durga shrine. Durga, the embodiment of feminine creative energy and the Optimus Prime/Power Rangers Giant Robot of Hindu gods, carries weapons in her 18 arms and rides a tiger or lion. She killed the demon Mahisha when no other god could. Of course she is my favorite.





Jaya jaya hai, Mahishasura Mardhini!

We hired a rickshaw to take us to the three most well-known temples outside of Kandy (not a lot of public transit), which were all enjoyable, if firmly on the tourist circuit:























...and we saw a super touristy dance show, which was fun, but not as authentic as, say, a Taiwanese temple parade (I'd love to see such dances in an authentic setting, but all the cameras going off kind of ruined it. I'm not against taking photos - I take them, too - but it was downright rude, how people would stand in the audience or hold their cameras up high so those behind them not only couldn't see, but also could watch you take your terrible photos...because most tourists aren't good photographers).







Here's one of the shrines I mentioned:



And the beach we started out from, at Negombo (it was a less stressful option than staying in Colombo). Seems quiet - actually, it was stuffed with tourists.

The Monkey at the End of the World

Philosopher Monkey Likes To Philosophize

All photos below - not in order - were taken either on the train between Kandy and Ella, in Ella itself, or on our hike a few hours away from Ella at World's End and Horton Plains National Park. The monkey above is enjoying the view at World's End.

I"m kind of going backwards in my chronicle of our Sri Lanka vacation, but that's just how the desire to write struck.

We left Kandy by train - the Kandy-Ella train being extremely popular among foreigners for its scenic backdrop, and being a nicer train than most in Sri Lanka (we saw some other trains in various stations), most likely because it is so heavily used by foreign tourists. And the views are stunning:

















But the train is also the beginning of Foreign Tourist Saturation (which I realize I'm a part of, I don't deny my own culpability). The train has a few locals on it, but the vast majority of passengers are foreigners transiting from Kandy to Ella on this famous rail route. They take so many pictures - as I did - that they're practically taking pictures of each other:



Ella town...well, let's just say I could take or leave the place. I really enjoyed our stay in the mountains but not because of the town. That said, I chose it specifically because if the weather was bad, a tourist-filled mountain town would probably provide other diversions, even if those diversions were drinking tea and souvenir shopping. And the weather was often pretty bad - it rained for a portion of every single day, so it wasn't entirely a poor decision. However:



Go ahead and enlarge that menu and enjoy the "Spagatti Bololesis" and "Frid Rice", and reflect upon a restaurant named, ostensible, for a director of weird and violent movies, printed in a Haunted House font, on a tiki hit painted reggae colors.

We did not try the "Spagatti Bololesis", and I found the local food in Ella - we didn't go all the way to Sri Lanka to eat pasta - to be...meh. There were no good views from the town itself, the weather was crap, and the stores and restaurants were weak-tea backpacker joints. I was not terribly impressed. It reminded me yet again of a reason to love Taiwan (let's say this one is #30):

Not too many tourists. It's getting to be a problem, and to some extent I do wish the rest of the world would cultivate a better appreciation for the charms of Taiwan - its night markets, its seafood, it's stinky tofu, its mountains, its coastline. It feels like the last undiscovered gem in Asia. On the other hand, I wouldn't want Taiwan to be dotted with little Ellas, or little Mirissas (that wouldn't happen: Taiwan doesn't have the beaches. I was not impressed with the beaches at Kending, and that's among the best Taiwan has. You have to go to Penghu to even come close to what's on offer in Sri Lanka, Indonesia or the Philippines).




I wouldn't want the festivals - both temple fairs and aboriginal festivals - to become performances for tourists. I like 'em authentic. I don't mind battling a crowd of local would-be photographers but I would mind battling an even larger crowd of people with no emotional investment in the performance itself. I can accept Old Streets and towns like Lugang cashing in on their heritage by appealing to domestic tourists and the occasional Japanese who wander through, because they are popular with locals. I wouldn't want them to become backpacker hovels where every other old shophouse sells banana pancakes, and the stinky tofu, oyster omelets and brown sugar cake aren't as good because the proprietors figure that foreigners don't know any better.

I like that there is no Khao San Road in Taipei. I want it to stay that way. I like that mountain towns in Taiwan, such as Lishan (my favorite), aren't overrun with tourists and what infrastructure you find there is for locals.

The two things that made Ella wonderful were our hotel, and our hike in Horton Plains National Park. The hotel was outside of town, about a kilometer along what is basically a hiking trail, and built so that most of it was a sheltered outdoor cafe setup with stunning views through Ella Gap:







We'd go out, do some hiking or walking, get stuck in the rain, and come back cold and muddy. Then we'd change into comfortable, dry clothing and sit in the cafe area - the rooms open directly onto it so it's like an extension of one's room - to drink tea and eat coconut sambal sandwiches. It was truly a gem. I could have spent a couple of days just relaxing there and not going out.

We then hired a car and driver to take us to Horton Plains. Hiring a car with driver is not difficult in Sri Lanka, and not terribly expensive. It'll cost slightly less than chartering a taxi in Taiwan (something I've done when I've wanted to visit areas without good public transportation, but as usual was not willing to drive. I do not drive and will not drive in urban Taiwan, which is one reason why I live in Taipei. You might get me behind the wheel in the countryside, though). We shared the car hire with a German couple to cut costs, and they were very pleasant hiking companions.









The trail is at about 2300 meters above sea level - not so high that you'll get sick, but high enough that hiking uphill causes you to become slightly more winded than you might normally feel. Only slightly, though. The land is classic moorland - chilly, foggy, scrubby grassland reminiscent of northern England and parts of Scotland.



It's a circular trail that's approximately 9 kilometers in total, maybe ten. You walk four or five to World's End, where the moorlands just...stop. They go from being rolling plains of grass to being a steep cliff quite literally immediately, with no warning that the landscape is about to change.



The view is stunning if it's not foggy - as you can see, we got something of a view, but we didn't get the full deal. So...instead, enjoy the cute monkey. The "Philosopher Monkey" at the top of the post is also looking out over the cliff, called "World's End", to give you a better idea of the view.

On a clear day you can see straight to the coast. We weren't so lucky.

We were so cold, so wet (it rained pretty hard on our hike back), so muddy and so achy when we got back that I changed into soft, warm pajamas immediately and refused to make the trek into town. We spent the rest of the day in the cafe area of our hotel drinking tea and resting our tired muscles.

Ella had a few other good things, too: a few hikes and walks to temples and scenic spots:



And a couple of good photo opportunities:




I don't regret going, not for a minute.

Of Shoelaces, or Reason #29 (?) to Love Taiwan

 It's almost impossible to see in this photo, but at the very end under the white boat in the distance, there's a solitary woman sitting on the beach in a little bikini.

During our last few days in Sri Lanka, we stayed in the southern beach town of Mirissa. While not nearly as touristy or over-developed as places like Bali, Phuket, Ko Samui or Boracay (or Goa, which doesn't even have great beaches), and not even as developed as Sri Lanka's own Hikkaduwa or Unawatuna, it still had tourist infrastructure and that vague beach-bum-rich-Westerner "a dash of reggae with a hint of banana pancake" cultural undercurrent, which I don't particularly care for. That meant a lot of Westerners - especially Europeans - prancing around in tiny swimsuits.

On a slight tangent, can I just say this? Mirissa is a pretty place, but it looks as if it used to be stunning. What was once a soft beach of golden sand and blue topaz waters has become a thin strip of beach in which, on the main tourist drag, all the palm trees have been razed and in their stead you can find guesthouses, tiki-hut restaurants and bars blasting reggae (?) music, and line-of-sight sea views from hotels across the road. Down the road is at least one "surf club" that I swear had a sign saying "foreigners only". Ugh. It's really sad. You can't keep people from the beach, and to some extent you'll get local backlash over the lack of development if you try, I wish there was a way to preserve at least some beautiful beaches from the tanned hordes, the sunburned locusts, from descending and totally fucking up the place. Can't they all just go to Bali and Phuket and leave the rest of the world's beaches to people who don't want to tear it all down to build tiki bars?

Our hotel is behind me, but you can't see it behind the palm trees, which is why I liked it.

And yes, I realize the irony in that sentiment, and yes, I did try to pick a hotel that blends more naturally with its environment -  one that didn't raze all the palm trees for a direct line to the beach.

While there, I was reading Pankaj Mishra's Butter Chicken in Ludhiana. Mary Roy's (mother of Arundhati Roy of The God of Small Things fame) line in that book popped out at me as I read it at an outdoor cafe: "I think white people are a curse on mankind. Wherever you look, they are busy causing destruction to something or the other. And they think themselves so superior to everyone else! They are really awful!"

I could find some things to debate about that line, but sitting in Mirissa as reggae (!) thumped in the background and I looked over where palm trees should be, and couldn't help but think she was right, and then blame myself for being part of the problem.

This all used to be palm trees.

Anyway, back to the main point.

At one point, we were preparing to snorkel off a far quieter beach beyond the one in the photo here (the boat beach here being far quieter itself than Mirissa's main beach), and two young foreign women were taking sexy pictures of each other playing in the surf or laying in the sand. Neither was wearing very much, especially the one in the little black bikini that I am pretty sure was made entirely of shoelaces. And not very many shoelaces.

My first thought was "She shouldn't be wearing that...not a good idea."

Now, here's the thing. I don't personally care what she wears. I don't think it reflects on her character (except to show she's perhaps a bit clueless about her surroundings, but then, in that case every other foreigner in Mirissa is just as bad). It doesn't make her a "bad girl" or someone who deserves scorn or ridicule. I support her right to wear whatever she wants - as much or as little as she wants. In the West I'd say her even wearing that little doesn't give anyone the right to victim-blame ("Well look at what she was wearing, she was asking for it!") if she's harassed or assaulted. It doesn't really bother me that she wants sexy pictures of herself on a tropical beach.

(I did think it was funny that to get to our snorkeling spot we had to walk behind her, so some of her photos will include a pair of t-shirt wearing pasty-dough white dweebs with snorkels - is there anything dorkier than a snorkel? Even the word is dorky - waddling by, but that's because if I got sexy pictures uploaded to my computer only to find a pair of tummy-fatted nerds shuffling behind me I'd find that hilarious. She might not find it so funny).




My second thought was "Why would you think that? You have no right to judge her based on what she's wearing."


What bothers me is that, even in a touristy area like Mirissa, in Sri Lanka what she - and pretty much every other woman, possibly including myself (I like to think a boy-short suit and a t-shirt over it with a sarong when not in the water is enough, though) - was wearing, well, was inappropriate in the local cultural context. Especially her; at least other women had a bit of fabric covering up the T&A (I can't say I was too fond of the European men's banana hammocks, either). She had...shoelaces. I hate victim-blaming but if she were ogled, catcalled or harassed by local men, it probably would be in part due to what she was wearing - not that that absolves the men.



My third thought: "But what she's wearing is very inappropriate in Sinhalese culture."

And while I support the right of everyone to wear what they want and not be overly judged for it - especially women, who have spent most of history judged more harshly than men for what they were wearing - I do feel that when you travel, there has to be some allowance for cultural standards. I support the fight for all women, worldwide, to have greater freedom of dress (Sri Lankan men are pretty free in what they wear, I'm not too worried about them).


My fourth thought: "But Sinhalese culture still as a ways to go in terms of women's equality."


Perhaps that fight, in countries such as Sri Lanka, is a fight that needs to start with local women. Perhaps a white woman, or any foreign woman, in an itsy bitsy teenie weenie black thong shoelace bikini isn't going to help matters much. Certainly it's not fair to say "this group of women needs to do it for themselves and we're not going to help them" - by all means, get involved in feminism on a global scale, but be aware of the racial issues that your background and ethnicity bring to the table, and be aware that not every strike is an effective one.

My fifth thought: "Yes, but a foreign woman in a tiny bikini isn't going to change that."

Not that I think this woman was trying to agitate for freedom of women's dress in Sri Lanka. She almost certainly just wanted some sexy pictures and wasn't even thinking of the racial and gender implications of her near-nudity.



My final thought: "This is one reason I like living in Taiwan. There's still a ways to go in terms of gender equality - there is everywhere - but at least we have far greater freedom of dress."

I appreciate that I can wear a bikini or a t-shirt and shorts on the beach and not be judged too much. I appreciate that I can wear a sleeveless or low v-neck shirt and not be immediately judged as a bad girl, harlot or outright prostitute. I appreciate that I can choose not to wear those things. People, especially women, are still judged harshly by their dress, but at least I am living in Asia without having to worry too much about overly strict rules of dress imposed on women, with the wrongheaded assumption that the problem is not men's inability to control themselves, but those trollopy women and what they wear which beckons ALL TEH SEXXX.

Of Leftovers

An interesting comic strip for you to peruse as it unfurls:

Super Leftover Girl!

It's Simplified but readable enough - the basic idea being challenging the idea that "leftover women" (剩女) are to be pitied because they are single at the ripe old age of 30 (so ancient!!!11!!!!1), that they are unfortunate, unwanted, too demanding, too picky, too "modern", and should be ashamed of the fact that they're not yet married. As if marriage is the only important accomplishment in a woman's life. Sigh.

It's becoming less of an issue in Taiwan - yes, there are a lot of awesome single thirtysomething women, but you'd be surprised how many of them want to be single, or are at least at peace with their singleness. For every thirtysomething Taiwanese female friend of mine who wishes she was married, I can name about three who are either OK with being single, are in a relationship that's as strong as a marriage or who have actively sought to stay that way.

I think this is great - it means more women are realizing that while marriage may be fine (I happen to be quite pro-marriage, as it's been pretty great for us), it's not the only good thing a woman can accomplish in life - a husband and children are not deigned by her fate as a woman to be the best thing she'll ever achieve or have, nor are they they only things she should want. And it means more men might wake up and smell the feminism, and start accepting things like equal partnership in housework and child-rearing, and an equal say in family decisions. It's happening slowly, but it is happening. There's been a change I've noticed even in the last five years, and I'll write about it later.

But really, what I feel about "leftover women" is this: if I were one, I'd be proud to be one. I wouldn't feel any less than I do as a married woman. I'd think of it like Thanksgiving. There's the big meal, the turkey, all the pomp and tradition, people doing what's expected of them regardless of what they actually want, and lots of family issues and generational change issues being forced into the forefront over dinner's invariably cacophonous conversation (well, at least in my family). You don't really get to decide what you want - tradition decides it for you. You're basically a trussed-up turkey, especially if you're a woman (at least men, historically, have had more choice in terms of career and travel, even if they haven't had total choice).

But if you're a leftover, that means you're the turkey sandwich. You're absolutely tasty, you're very satisfying, and you're what's chosen because it is what's wanted. You are food that's desired, not food that has been predetermined by a set menu. You are ultimately more personal, more content, and more satiating. There's no friction, no collective social trauma, over a Black Friday turkey-and-cranberry-sauce sandwich. You make what you want and you get what you want. You choose. You are chosen.

And I'd much rather be the turkey sandwich than the trussed-up turkey!

A Woman Alone

  Jezebel writes about women traveling alone

...in reaction to the reactions to the murder of Sarai Sierra, a female tourist traveling alone in Istanbul.

I already talked about this in a previous post, but just felt it was worth it to share the link above.

The comments on the Jezebel article are worthwhile if you're a woman traveling or living alone outside your home country - or even in your home country, or hometown.

Some that I particularly liked:

If women can't travel alone, a lot of women will end up never traveling. For a lot of people, there are only a few sweet spots between the "poor young person" and the "busy working person" stages when they have the chance to take long vacations. If they hit that sweet spot and none of their friends have the money or the time, what are they supposed to do?

I do know some women who will assume that they'll be able to travel when they have serious boyfriends or husbands. Most of them never end up going anywhere. You're not guaranteed you'll find that perfect relationship, or that it will be with someone who likes traveling, or that money and time still won't interfere.

I say if you want to go somewhere, you should do it when you can.

and

"A single woman traveling alone is risky. In a foreign country, it is downright foolish."

Yes, all those risks of traveling in Japan and Germany.

I know traveling as a woman isn't the same as as a man, but my God Americans live in such constant fear of low-risk situations.

You know what you're more likely to get hurt doing? Driving to work as a single woman. Better stop going to work, ladies!

"No way I would even let my beautiful wife out the door to travel to any country alone."

Good thing she isn't your goddamn thrall, King Shithead.

(I agree with her on that one: the whole "letting" your wife do this or that - - ha ha, it's no secret how I'd react if Brendan ever talked that way to me...or I to him)

and

Okay, I do not mean to sound controversial at all and I absolutely think women can and should travel alone, *but* you, as a woman, should definitely take more precautions, safety wise. I am a woman who has traveled extensively alone. I've done several cross country trips alone, traveled in Brazil and Argentina alone, camped in rural Montana alone and traveled through much of Europe (including backpacking in remote areas) alone. I have also been followed to my hotel room by a strange man, followed in my car until I had to head to a police station, and accosted in the middle of wilderness by a farmer who attempted to sexually assault me. I got out of all of those situations okay, but (not to pat myself on the back) this was due to having considered these things happening in advance and knowing what my best options were. (And also good luck.) Again, I'm not saying not to travel alone as woman, but it is crucially important to be prepared.

Bad things can and do befall travelers of both genders, but women can be targeted much more frequently for things like sexual assault, so it is helpful if you have some kind of basic training in self defense or at least read up on it. It's good to know, for example, that it's generally not smart to carry a knife or a weapon that can be taken from you and used against you, that it's generally better to have something to disable an attacker like pepper spray or mace. Study up on the your destination extensively. Try to acquaint yourself with the layout of the city before going or on the plane, so you can avoid being lost with a map in your hands. Find out about your communication (cell service, internet connection, etc.) options and the local police and hospital situation (including the possibility that you may want to *avoid* the local police!) In some places (more conservative places) you will attract a LOT of unwanted attention if you wear something as simple as a tank top. Also, be especially, especially cautious when drinking.

That said, traveling alone is a special kind of magic. There are few things more precious to me than my memories of solitary travel. Particularly if you can find yourself alone in untouched nature, it is the only thing I've ever encountered that I could describe as a transcendent experience. I would love for more women to travel alone in all corners of the world, I just think it's important to realize that to do so safely often requires a bit of extra work on our part. Not fair, necessarily, but neither are periods and such is life. ;) Anyway, just please, prepare and then prepare some more. I read about adventurers fairly often (both modern and old timey) and though they may seem reckless in their ambitions, most of them are actually overly cautious and have researched and prepared for every eventuality they can think of.

Anyway, safe and happy travels, all! :)

My comment on Jezebel sums it up for me:

I've been around the world with my husband and alone. On my own I went to China (rural and urban - Guizhou, Beijing, Hong Kong, Shandong and more), India, Nepal, Bangladesh (Bangladesh!!), Japan (although I met a female friend there), Korea (although I met a male friend there, but had to spend a lot of time out and about on my own), the Czech Republic, England, Laos, Thailand, Ireland and the Philippines. That solo trip to India was *two months long* and I spent **a year** on my own in China.

With my husband (i.e., a man) I've been to India, the Philippines, Singapore, China (I returned to some countries!), Indonesia, Egypt, Panama, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Honduras and Guatemala and Turkey. In Turkey I had to go out by myself a bit because he got sick twice.

With a group, family or female friends I've been to India (again! this time six months), France, England, Malaysia, China (Xi'an, Yunnan, Sichuan, Chongqing, Xinjiang) and Canada (oooh).

Oh yeah, and I live, full time, in Taipei, Taiwan. At first on my own, now with my husband.

And tomorrow we leave for ten days in Sri Lanka.

So. SO. Sooooo.

I'm not saying all this to brag. (OK, maybe a little to brag. But you'll forgive me for that, right?) I'm saying this to show that hey, I've got experience. I know what I'm talking about.

I can say honestly that traveling alone was not worse in most of those countries, just different. For example, in India, if you are a woman traveling alone, the ticket agent will put you on trains with groups of women or families. It's a normal courtesy. The families or women "adopt" you and look out for you. You have to be careful of dodgy hotels and keep your wits about you, but it can be done. In Turkey, I went all over the country, not just Istanbul, and felt like I blended in and was basically ignored if I put on a headscarf once we went out east. In Bangladesh, there are so few tourists that yeah, you stick out (and I did get some sexual harassment), but people are so hospitable that they'll look out for you, because a foreign visitor is rare, and they want their country to leave a good impression. I took a bus from the border to Dhaka, and the women on the bus basically took me in as one of their own and shared their iftar snacks with me (it was Ramadan). It's not like India where easily scammed hippies (sorry) are a dime a dozen.

That said, as a woman there were places I could go that men couldn't - places with women - but places that as a woman I couldn't go (certain teahouses in eastern Turkey, for example).

With my husband, I got stared at less, and left alone more, but the downside of that was that nobody looked out for us. They just assumed that was his job (sexist! I totally plan the trips! But change is coming more slowly to some countries), and so we got less help, less "adoption" by locals...which meant less harassment, but also less interaction. Places that didn't really welcome women (few places will explicitly bar women, but you'll get the Death Stare if you enter) were off-limits, as were places where women congregated. So we lost out on both ends.

In a group you barely talk to any locals at all. It's kind of sad, really, and so I try not to travel in groups.

I'm not saying I'd rather take some harassment to get my local interaction. Obviously, harassment sucks. I'm just saying the two things are different, but it is still possible to travel alone.

And yes, I'd go back to Turkey alone. Even the conservative eastern side where I saw few women out and about, I only felt comfortable with covered hair, and more than half of the teahouses were men-only.

 

* * *

A long comment, but I wanted to fully express myself as this topic is important to me.

Another tip: if you do want to travel alone and the country/countries you want to visit aren't super safe ones like Germany or Japan, do a Google search on the country you're planning to visit and the words "woman alone" or "woman traveling alone"...or something along those lines. See what people say. The Internet is littered with forums full of advice threads on almost all countries for women who want to head out on their own. Read those first and be informed.

I do feel it's important for women to be able to travel alone, and I know there are two sides to the argument. On one end you get "you shouldn't sequester women at home, blaming them for the actions of a few bad people - that's victim blaming and it's unacceptable", and on the other you get "well, it shouldn't be that way, but it is, and you have to be realistic about what is and isn't safe".

There's also the side that thinks it's fine to victim-blame women and keep them at home, but I don't really want to give that side any credence, so I'm not going to cover it. I'm gonna call bullshit when I see bullshit.

While I believe it is important to be realistic, I don't think that a lot of people who believe the second line of reasoning are actually all that realistic. Many haven't done that much traveling, and many either are not women or are women who haven't done a lot of traveling alone. Women who have done that traveling will tend to go with the first belief - that they can handle themselves and shouldn't be the ones blamed for the existence of crime against women. 

Because, honestly, while some violence or crime is directed at women alone because they appear weaker and easier to target, a lot of it is violence that would also be targeted at a man alone. There's also the 'false correlation' issue: just like with sexual assault, it's just not true that a woman gets sexually assaulted based on what she's wearing or where she goes - covering up more or not going out alone won't reduce her risk of sexual assault to zero, or even all that much: most sexual assault happens at the hands of someone the victim knows or has allowed into their space, and it has nothing to do with what clothing is worn. 

The same for traveling alone - honestly, you're in just as much danger in your own area as you are in a foreign country (depending on the country). I felt no safer in DC than I did in Turkey or India, to be honest. And what could have happened to me in Beijing that couldn't also have happened in New York? Some countries pose unique risks, but preparedness and smarts can help you reduce those risks to a level not much higher than you'd find in your own country.

As a woman who has traveled extensively alone, as well as coupled and with a group - and did some of that solo travel in countries seen as dangerous, such as India, Bangladesh and the Philippines - I can say that "realistic" doesn't mean "stay home". It means "be smart". Don't wear revealing clothes, don't make a lot of eye contact, don't advertise yourself as being alone, do be clear and firm, and feel free to lie about a fake husband nearby, or stick to families and groups of women. In most of these countries, a group of women will almost always immediately understand why you are hanging out around them and fold you into their group. You might even be invited home for dinner.  Whatever you think of head coverings, if you're in an area where that's done, just do it. It's not about you - it's about fitting in. 

Also:

- Do take a self-defense course. I didn't and while I was never assaulted, I wish I had. I will, when I get the chance (anyone know of any good self-defense classes in Taiwan? Is that even a thing here?)

- Do carry pepper spray or mace, not a knife

- Do wear a money belt

- Do look around and pick out 'safe spots' - open businesses, other women - that you can run to if you sense danger

- be assertive - scream loudly if you are being harassed or feel threatened. Don't be afraid to slap a guy doing this, even with your shoe if you can get it off quickly. In most countries, even India (despite the horrific recent bus rape), the crowd will come to your defense

- If you feel threatened and see a foreign man nearby, running up to him and saying "look, someone's bothering me, can you pretend to be my partner for a few minutes" will probably be enough to get him to help you. Look for other women, first, but if you see none, this is another good bet. If one's around. 

- trust your spidey sense - if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

- I know this feels like unfair sequestering, but don't go out at night by yourself in most developing countries. It's not worth the risk. 

- try to hook up with others or groups for portions of your trip, even if you don't want to stick with them for your entire trip.

- know when not to freak out. There is no reason to feel unsafe in Taiwan at night, for example. Trust your gut, but learn to recognize and ignore irrational fear. 

* * *

So ladies - don't listen to the haters. Be smart, be safe, be careful, but don't be afraid. Don't think that the world is not open to you. How is it even possible that the world and all its delights (and terrors) is open only to the half of the population that has the right genitals? 

You are half the population and nobody has any right to sequester you at home like precious jewels. This is your world too. Go out and take it.

The Type of Guy You'd Bring Home to Mama

I'm not usually one to watch the Super Bowl (Didn't the Lakers beat the Yankees this year?), not even for the commercials. This one came to my attention, though, and I wanted to give it a shout-out from both feminist and pro-diversity perspectives:



First, I love Amy Poehler. I love her humor, I love her smarts. Like Tina Fey, I love her attractive-but-normal non-megawatt glam. I don't love Best Buy, generally (just ask me what they did with Brendan's computer that one time...go ahead, ask), but I love that they chose her as a brand representative and not, say, Busty LaRoux or whatever Hollywood's sexy new ingenue is named. If I met Amy Poehler in real life, after every woman part in my body exploded with happiness, I'd probably just really like her and want to hang out with her, to the point where that might almost be creepy.

I also love that the Best Buy guy is a cute Asian dude who is clearly being flirted with. It's starting to erode - finally - but there are still too many stereotypes of Asian guys being, well, nerds, geeks, scrawny dudes, Mama's Boys, funny or comical even when doing martial arts, and they never, ever get the girl. As Slate notes, in an action movie with a male and female lead, in which the man is white (it doesn't matter what ethnicity the woman is as long as she's super hot), the hero always gets the girl. Not so with the Asian hero: since when has Jacky Chan gotten any? And there's "Romeo Must Die", in which Jet Li doesn't get Aliyah.

So, it's a small thing, but this commercial, seen by millions and garnering critical acclaim (I haven't heard a bad thing about it yet beyond "but...Best Buy sucks!") in which a pretty woman shamelessly flirts with an Asian guy - an attractive Asian guy, not a super-thin dweeb or klutzy kung fu guy, but the kind of guy you'd bring home to Mama - is a step in the right direction. A conscious, but not self-conscious, step.

And it makes me love Amy Poehler even more.

And maybe hate Best Buy a tiny bit less.