The working title of this post was "Weighty Western Women" but then I decided that set a very wrong tone indeed.
Anyway, Shu Flies recently
published a great post about body issues and living in Taiwan, and covered the issue quite well from the perspective of a Taiwanese-American (although it could be extended to include East Asian women in general). She also noted the launch of a
new site aimed at discussing body issues in the Asian female community - a site I'll definitely keep tabs on, but as a Western woman (OK, white - I'm just gonna say white. I'm so post politically correct - I also answer to "Wonderbread" and "Correction Fluid J") it's not really my community, y'know?
I thought I'd write this post as a rejoinder on what it's like living in Taiwan as a Woman of Curvature.
I do not often talk about appearance or body issues on this blog because I simply choose not to. No, I am not entirely pleased with my body as it is, but I've accepted it in the way one accepts flaws in the personality of one's cat (not that I'd know anything about that) - yeah, it can be annoying but you love it anyway, because it's yours. I also do feel that the Internet can be a hostile place for women, and don't wish to put my appearance out there too much for the potentially nasty comments of an anonymous public who don't know me and have no right to judge.
Egypt 2009 (I'm the same size as I was then) - I never felt as though I was/am unacceptably huge but, like most people, a few sizes down would be dandy
But here, I'll talk about it. And here's how it is: I go on and on about how Taiwan boasts a more egalitarian, female-friendly society than any other in Asia. I've mentioned that feminity garners respect, that female
politicians are judged based on their competency, not their looks. I've noted that their
maternity and child-raising culture is more professional-female friendly, and that
issues surrounding marriage and low birth rates say just as much in favor of women's equality as they do against it. I've noted that key positions in some very high-profile companies are often held by women and that women are encouraged to be business owners, lawyers, doctors, politicians and generally high achievers by their parents (most of the time). The situation is generally pretty good. There's room for improvement, of course, but it's a damn sight more palatable than in any other Asian country.
But here? When it comes to weight, body acceptance and respect regardless of size and body type? I'm sorry, Taiwan, but you've got it wrong. When it comes to this, you are just as backward and misogynist as the rest of the continent can be.
I'm not saying that Taiwan is worse than Japan, Korea or China: when it comes to women and size acceptance, it's equally bad. That's a sad thing indeed, considering how not size-accepting those cultures are. The pain it clearly causes Asian women of any size other than the expected one (on the short side, slender to a fault, boyish hips, tiny butt, no boobs) - not to mention any skin color or eye shape - is a travesty. When salesladies act like your ass changes weather patterns, as Catherine wrote, something is very, very wrong.
For a society that has done so well in accepting female equality and opportunity, I am still gobsmacked at how...how...downright medieval it all is. I'd say "patriarchal", and men of all races with unrealistic expectations do play a part, but let's be honest. Women bring this not upon themselves but they do so often foist it on others. Salesladies, Mean Girls, well-meaning elders who say exactly the wrong thing, frenemies - we do it to each other.
As a white woman living in Taiwan, I do have a "Get Out of Jail Free" card when it comes to body size. Being white means a certain expectation of being...ahem..."fat". It is true that the average Caucasian female can't hope, even through the unhealthiest dieting, to approach the size and body type of the 'ideal' Asian female - we simply have bigger hips, more boobage, wider ribcages and shoulders and we're taller and bigger in general. It wouldn't matter if I lost all the weight I'd like to lose - I'd still be "fat" in Taiwan. What can I say - I'm Polish and Armenian and built like I was meant to push a plow. Eastern European women just...are that way. At a weight I feel good about, I'm a 12. 12 is "fat" in Taiwan. At a weight that allows me to indulge in life's pleasures (if I want to be a 12 I have to never eat bread, drink beer or basically eat anything I like, ever, even if I exercise), I'm a 14.
At my thinnest, as in rib-countingly thinnest, I'm a size 10. I came back from India in 2000 after a bout of dysentery, six months as a vegetarian (my host family was veg, so by default so was I) and a month riding the trains and eating very little as a result. I was a 10. A 10 is "fat" here, too. This is one area where I'll disgree with Catherine - she said you can't shop in regular stores if you're above a 12. I have made Western friends in Taiwan who wore an 8 and they couldn't shop locally. "Normal" sizes stop at 8, but if you have the curves and height of the average white woman, that 8 is still going to pull in all the wrong places, strain at the seams around your womanly attributes, and probably be far too short.
The only upside to this is the fact that it's expected here: you're a Westerner, of course you're "fat". It's OK.
I've also got my height to my advantage. At 5'8", I'm tall for a woman even in the USA and, I swear, tall for a man in Taiwan. My Polish Brick Shithouse bone structure is good for one thing:
That's not to say that I don't occasionally get well-meaning but entirely irritating comments from Old Taiwanese Ladies - Old Wu, my favorite neighborhood ancient lady, once offered me some meat buns as I walked by. I said no, thanks, I just ate but thanks so much. Mmmm, she replied, "if you want to lose weight you should eat less and exercise more". Thanks, Old Wu. I totally didn't know that!
Another older woman - I don't know her name - likes to come up to me, smack me gently in the tummy, and give her sage crone's opinion on whether I've gained or lost weight. She does sometimes say "妳變瘦了呢!" but still...thanks, Old Taiwanese Lady. Thanks.
Over Chinese New Year, I got a Torture Lady massage out in Kaohsiung County. "You need this massage because your muscles are tired, because you're fat. You're fat because your qi is stuck," she said to me as she pounded away.
"Your qi is stuck. That's why you're fat." "Did she just call me fat?" "Yes. Sorry Jenna." "Argh.....OW!"
I will say that other than Old Taiwanese Ladies, though, I don't get judgemental comments, and those Old Taiwanese Ladies don't mean it the way a Westerner would take it: at least, I don't think they mean "you are unacceptable! You need to lose weight right now!" when they say "Oh, that's because you're fat" or "you've gained weight" - they mean exactly what they say without the catty undertones I might expect back home. (Catherine has a point that size acceptance has made great leaps in the USA, but the cattiness hasn't quite gone away. If you don't believe me, check Craigslist...pretty much anywhere).
I never have to deal with rude salesladies because I cannot shop in normal stores in Taiwan. Full stop. Not happening, ever. Even if I lose weight: I'd still have too-wide hips and be too tall. If it helps, I can't buy shoes, either, unless I go to
Sandy Ho. I pretty much have to order my clothes from abroad, get them tailored or buy old lady clothes.
So in this way, Taiwan still has a long way to go until it can claim to truly be woman-friendly - as unfortunate as it is, size still is primarily a female issue, and greater expectations regarding i are heaped on women by their parents, magazine and newspaper pieces and ads, each other, men in their dating spheres and society at large.
Now, unlike Catherine, I have never suffered from depression, and while I'm not entirely satisfied with my body as it is, it's never been something I fretted too much over. I won't hide it, though - or rather, I will reveal here what I do hide: my insecurity is such that when it comes to photos, I apply the same old tricks to hide a size that I don't like being. I do the whole "lean into husband" thing:
Or the "cut off at the edge of the picture thing:
Or the "you may photograph my entire body but only in this outfit which is flattering" thing:
I will say that the expectation that I be "fat" is freeing in a way: if it's an issue of "oh, you're white, so it's fine", then it's racist, sure, but the attitude of "it's normal for you" makes me feel like, well, yes, I am built like Peasant Magda and so I'm never going to be thin, so in a way it is normal for me. Back home, there seems to be this idea that if I shed a ton of weight that it might be possible to actually look like those girls on magazine covers. At least here, everybody knows that's ludicrous.
One thing I do have to my advantage beyond height: I have more boob-tacular boobaliciousness than my Asian sisters. So hey, in at least one case, Polish genes for the win?
I'm not talking about accepting poor health, by the way. I simply believe that healthy women come in all sizes, including those not represented by models and actresses. I believe in accepting a range of natural sizes and shapes in women. Yes, obesity is a health issue and should be treated as such, but we're not talking obesity here. We're simply talking differently-sized women.
And when it comes to differently-sized women, Taiwan, like its East Asian neighbors, needs to buck up and get with the program. It is absolutely not acceptable to insist on such an unhealthy standard for women here.
So where do they get it right? Where, besides America, has size acceptance really worked for a culture? Most of Sub-Saharan Africa (and even North Africa to an extent - there is no shame in being curvy in Morocco or Egypt) for one, and to an extent, India. Yes, India. I know, I know, the matrimonial ads (don't even get me started on those: foreign graduated fine-featured male seeks wife with wheatish complexion, willing to move abroad, medical degree preferred, slim, healthy, caste no bar) are full of weight-hatin' nonsense, but there is an undercurrent, culturally, in accepting that beauty comes in different forms and a curvier Indian woman will be accepted for who she is. It's almost expected that after marriage she'll put on weight, and certainly expected after childbirth - motherhood in all its manifestations is celebrated, including the addition of a little extra padding.
Author's note:
This post is not about accepting and celebrating obesity (as I did mention above, but maybe I need to say it twice). It is not even about being "overweight" or "fat", although weight is a factor. It is simply about being differently shaped and sized than the average woman in the country in which I live, and "differently shaped and sized" does not necessarily mean overweight...and overweight does not automatically equate to obese. This post is for Western women who are taller, curvier or simply have a larger bone structure than the average Taiwanese woman: that means, basically, almost all of us.
This post is also not about bashing slender or petite women. I don't do woman-bashing. There's enough of that on the Internet - I believe in support, kindness and acceptance. I have nothing against naturally slender Asian women. Hey, good for them! I cannot, however, condone diet pills and unhealthy levels of dieting. I cannot condone the size-based judgement and contempt with which women scare each other every day. I cannot condone "underweight" as something desireable, and you know (yes, you do) that this happens all the time in Taiwan.
Normally, I am happy to allow comments with dissenting views and even a bit of snark - I'm all about having tough conversations on certain topics. This post, however, has the potential to generate a lot of invective and as it does deal with some personal (and flash-fight-friendly) issues, I'm controlling comments with an iron fist. Your comment will not be published - and possibly not even read in its entirety - if it:
1.) Assumes that overweight=obese
2.) Has any hate-filled, sanctimonious, prejudiced or condescending language
3.) Takes any sort of sexist or misogynist stance towards women and weight
4.) Takes any sort of racist stance towards women and weight
5.) Assumes (wrongly) that this post is about accepting or celebrating obesity
6.) Assumes (wrongly) that this post is simply about being "overweight" and not about fundamentally different sizes and shapes in Taiwan.
7.) Automatically assumes that thin=healthy
The Internet can be a hostile place for women generally and there is a lot of anonymous hate out there. I will not contribute to that.
