Has Taiwan made me more feminine?

Before you start thinking of Betteridge's Law here, I actually think the answer to this one might be a qualified 'yes', or I wouldn't be writing it. It is a bit navel-gazey, so if you're not into that sort of thing you might want to sit this one out. I even post lots of pictures of myself like the narcissist I not-so-secretly am!

Some of you know me in real life. You know I am not, and have never been, particularly feminine. Although I identify and present as a straight cisgender woman, I have gone through periods of questioning not my gender identity so much, but how much I wanted to have anything to do with the whole concept: there are people who don't desire to be either or any gender, and I briefly considered whether that, rather than 'not very feminine but otherwise female', was a better fit for who I was. The Jenna who landed in Taipei 10 years ago wouldn't have started a blog that, at times, focuses on women's issues - it was only several years later that I did so, after what I now feel was a fairly major personality upheaval, though I can't point to what exactly changed.

That Jenna also didn't cut, style or wear her hair down, and mostly wore jeans, khakis, cargo pants, Tevas or sneakers and plain solid-color t-shirts. She certainly didn't wear makeup and she rarely wore accessories. When she did they were small, often single charms on leather chains. Her favorite clothing color appeared to be some variation on brown. She tended to just look at the camera and smile without worrying too much if she looked good.

Does the person I describe - the person I very much was - resemble this?



Other than the no-makeup thing of course. I still don't wear makeup because, as a wise woman once said, "ain't nobody got time for that".*

Because that's what I look like as of this month, at least when my hair is cooperating, which it does more often now that I put effort into it. Effort pre-Taiwan Jenna would not have even considered putting into it long enough to reject the notion. She also would not have worn that necklace, nor would she have taken a selfie let alone posed in quite that way for it. She was a bit thinner (when you get married and hit your thirties you gain some weight, I refuse to feel bad about it although I am working to live a healthier lifestyle overall) but overall 2016 Jenna tries harder, looks a bit more feminine, and it shows. (This photo was cleaned up for color, and I removed a zit, but is otherwise accurate - Other Jenna would not have bothered to clean up the photo at all).

That other Jenna? She looked more like this:


Brendan and I weren't dating yet in this photo from our trip to Beijing, but you wouldn't know it

Or this:


That's not blush or rouge - I'm just sunburned

Or, if she wore her hair down, this, which I'm mostly showing you for the amusement factor:


This is not the outfit or pose of someone who gives a damn about how she looks - also, cheese
(I swear I am not stoned in this photo, but I would forgive you for thinking otherwise)

Note that it's not just the clothing, accessories and hair that have changed, it's the manner of how I relate to the camera, smile and pose. This is not reflected in every character trait I have: some things have not changed - I'm still not ashamed of burping in public if I have to, I've started drinking stronger alcohol (Other Jenna probably would have gone for wine or a sweet cocktail, whereas Jenna Today keeps a bottle of Laphroaig in her home office), I still swear like a particularly surly sea captain, I'm still a bit loud and I laugh like the megaviral Chewbacca mask woman (to the point where a friend pointed out that our laughs are eerily similar and I can't disagree). I still don't wear high heels.

But some things, honestly, have. I own more than two hair products, a round brush and a hair dryer which I actually use sometimes. Other Jenna seriously did not have a hair dryer - what's wrong with regular air? Air works. Those hair products come from Aveda, where Other Jenna would never have shopped. I have a bottle of Chanel No. 5 (it was my mom's, she would have wanted me to use it - waste not want not and all) that I actually wear, I have a bag of high-end makeup that I still don't wear, but break out for special occasions (Other Jenna didn't even wear makeup to weddings or job interviews). I've switched to big jewelry, lots of scarves and bright colors, and actually wear skirts. I own a sundress! Other Jenna never owned a sundress. I do not own a pair of khakis or a pair of cargo pants, which Other Jenna would have found incomprehensible. I used to wear men's jeans but don't anymore. I even buy women's sneakers in more typically feminine colors (not pink - ugh no - but purple, fuchsia and teal are fine. Other Jenna wore gray, navy or black sneakers). I own a pair of heels! They are not very high, and they're boring and black and from Clark's, but I can hear other Jenna screaming. Heels!

There's no proof that this has anything to do with living in Taiwan - people change naturally all the time, but I can't help but think that Taiwan has had some sort of influence.

As much as I write about how Taiwan is a pretty good place for women, how, despite it not being a gender-equal paradise by any means it's the best you'll find in Asia and many of the problems found here are also found in Western countries, I have to say that there is a greater societal expectation of women looking and acting more feminine, and my "Get Out of Jail Free" card because I'm a foreigner doesn't work very well to let me out of it. I've never quite been asked the question I was once asked in China - excuse me, would you mind telling me if you're male or female? in the most polite Chinese the person could muster - but I did have a student once blurt out, after I pointed out that they were teaching me Taiwanese swear words that they admitted they wouldn't say in front of a woman, "you are a man!"

He meant "you don't come across as particularly feminine so I am comfortable treating you like one of the guys", but...heh.

For every makeup-free fortysomething on the MRT and every obasan who will cut you if she doesn't get her way, I sometimes feel bombarded with far more oblique references to expectations that I, and every other woman, should make certain efforts to look and act like stereotypical women. From the office workers at my old job pointedly complimenting me the one day I did wear makeup, to much more open comments about my looks - I know I'm no stunner and I'm not sure I ever cared, but thanks for that - and what I am, vs. what I should be, wearing to students and acquaintances openly discussing how women liked to shop and look pretty, and being genuinely surprised when I said I wasn't a huge fan of either, it's just more out in the open here. All your ideas that Asia is a place where people don't say what they mean and communication is indirect, between-the-lines, high-context culture etc. etc.? Yeah, no. Not when it comes to commenting on looks or gender roles. Not at all.

In terms of looks, it seemed to start fairly soon after arriving. About a year or so in, I went to a wedding back in the US and wore makeup for the first time in years, and a dress which is just nuts:



Then I started to cut and even sort of style my hair, though I didn't keep up with dying it:


It's Margarita O'Clock at the long-closed Yuma!

Then I started paying more attention to my overall dress, hair and looks:



...and then one day I woke up and I was using premium hair products, wearing skirts and statement necklaces and thinking about how I smelled beyond "not like anything which is better than how humid Taiwan weather makes a lot of people smell". And then I took the picture at the top of this post.

Would I have changed as much without the influence of Taiwan - that is, does Taiwan have nothing to do with what would have been a natural evolution of my personality regardless of where I lived? Maybe. But somehow, I don't think so. I just don't see how I would have started to give a shit without the fairly common, open comments on how I and other women look and the constant, always-there, sometimes-tacit-sometimes-not expectations here how how women present themselves. Granted, the US has those too, but I do feel they're not shoved in your face quite as much. People don't openly comment on your skin, eyes, lack of makeup etc. there, at least not as often.

I can honestly say, as well, that I care far less how I look when I go back to the US for a visit. When I moved to Taiwan I couldn't imagine bringing the one fancy pair of shoes I owned - knee high black leather boots, which I still have 'cause they're quality - I couldn't imagine needing or wanting to wear them. Fancy shoes were for the US, I thought. Now I have them here and wouldn't dream of packing them for a trip to the US, because sneakers are fine, who cares? Naw, it's fine, I know I'm in PJ bottoms but I'll run to the store, it doesn't matter, nobody cares, it's just upstate New York.

(To be fair one time when I really don't give a damn in Taiwan is when I'm going to Wellcome or 7-11, because no matter how shabbily I'm dressed someone is always wearing something more jacked up than me and the clerks couldn't give any less of a damn).

It could be that I've gone from a twentysomething cube monkey in a crap office job in the US and no disposable income to a thirtysomething professional with a reasonable amount of disposable income. It could be that I take my job and therefore how I present myself for it more seriously.

And I can say that while I've started putting more effort into my appearance, my core personality hasn't changed much. If anything, I swear more than I used to and am far more frank and, at times, caustic than I used to be (I'm still learning when to shut my trap). I just don't care as much what people think of who I am inside - if they don't like Meanie McSwearalot that's their fuckin' problem - as much as perhaps I do care how I present myself on the surface. So some things haven't changed, or at least, some parts of me have not become more feminine.

But some, most certainly, have. Even personality wise - Other Jenna wouldn't have cared that she doesn't really have a 'BFF' nearby (and it's true, I don't have a bestie in Taiwan, lots of friends, even very close friends, but not another woman I can talk about periods&vaginas&boys&hair-in-weird-places&stuff with). That's not a bad thing, but I do wonder sometimes what is up with the statement necklaces.

Update on the Fu Jen University Protests

So, thinking there would just be an "update - agreement reached, strike worked!" type post, I read up on the "resolution" to the Fu Jen Catholic University's protest and hunger strike to remove the unfair - and I say that unequivocally - curfew on the women's dorm when no such curfew applied to the men's.

I was wrong. There is a lot to say about this. First, a question - it doesn't seem like the curfews are abolished effective immediately but will be abolished at some point in the future. Is that true, or did I misunderstand the (somewhat poorly-organized) article?

First and foremost, while I maintain that this is not completely attributable to "Asian conservatism" but is also in large part a symptom of "religious conservatism" (I am not a big fan of mainstream Catholic or any religious conservatism, if you hadn't noticed, and would never tolerate it being imposed on me) there are positive and negative things about the fact that the women had to protest, but also that they won.

The good: well, that they won. That civic activism actually means something and gets something done in Taiwan, and it shows that the "passive/listens to authority/Confucian values" nonsense so many people ascribe to the Taiwanese are false. They are willing to fight! How do we know? They keep doing it! From The Republic of Formosa to 228 to the Kaohsiung Incident to the farmers to the White Lilies to the Sunflowers (the aptly-named Red Shirts didn't seem to have that much of an impact, though I admit bias in not caring for their agenda), if you say the Taiwanese are not willing to fight, you need to read a goddamn history book.

That the youth have not lost hope, that they're willing to fight and they are not the strawberries their condescending parents make them out to be. How many of those older folks calling the young generation 'strawberries' would have fought to end an aspect of gender discrimination in their schools? Their own parents were the ones doing most of the fighting for democracy - what did they fight for? That this sort of activism, which seems to be dead or ineffective in the US - still has power here. I hope that never goes away.

The bad: that they had to protest at all. Their position was reasonable, their goals logical. They should have been able to talk it out with the administration without having to make a massive fuss about it. It reminds me of my own occasional skirmishes at work. While I am always quick to say that my current employers - both of them - are generally very good, and I am in a much better position than the vast majority of English teachers in Taiwan now that I work at a truly professional level (yes, I welcome your hate for saying that in the comments), I have to say this: in the past, at one employer, when I've had to fight for something I deserved, be that enrollment in Laobao (labor insurance) or a well-earned raise, I have felt like attempts at talking about it reasonably are met with resistance, or at the very most no action. It has left me, on a few rare occasions, with the feeling that if I want something I deserve, I must fight for it more strongly than I should have to. I should be able to sit down and talk it out and reach a reasonable solution without having to, I dunno, threaten to quit (a real threat, not a bluff - I was ready to quit over getting a real raise). But, nothing happens until I pull out the big guns, at which point I get what I want but am told I didn't have to pull out those guns. Except I DID, because if I hadn't I wouldn't have gotten anywhere! And I know this from having tried that route and not having gotten anywhere!

Anyway. Ahem. I shouldn't have had to take the nuclear option, and FJU Cinderella shouldn't have had to either. A hunger strike should never have necessary, and it says something rather damning about FJU and Taiwan in general that they did, even as it says something good about the students being willing to organize and fight in the first place. When will we get to the point when reasonable goals don't have to be fought for with hunger strikes and occupations?

Second, I've spent the past week or so asking around to see on an anecdotal basis what the dorm rules are like across Taiwan. I asked people who attended and stayed in dorms at NTU, NCCU, Kaohsiung Medical College, Zhongxing, Yangming University and noticed a comment on my blog from someone who stayed at the dorms at Wenhua. According to these people, Wenhua also has discriminatory curfew policies, and NCCU has no curfews of any kind but makes men sign in and wear ugly orange vests - a perfect deterrent to getting laid? A "don't fuck me" vest? - when visiting women's dorms, but women can visit men's dorms freely. The others either have equal curfew policies or none at all.

This seems to corroborate the data in the article above where well less than half of Taiwanese universities have discriminatory dorm policies.

All I can say is that it does point to Fu Jen being a special case, perhaps due to religious conservatism, but it's also far too many. Even 26% is too many to have discriminatory policies.

Finally, two points in the article:

The first is that refusing to support the protestors because as you "want to protect your daughter, not discriminate"? Screw you. Wanting to protect your daughter because she is female, but not your son in the same way, IS discriminatory. There is no way to separate the two. If you discriminate in whom you want to protect, you are discriminating. WORDS MEAN THINGS.

As a counterpoint, I loved how someone called out that whole "women are responsible for not being victims" line of thinking. Dangers to women in Taiwan are not women's responsibility to fight, they're society's responsibility to eradicate in men.

Along these lines, Taiwan's youth rhetoric on social issues is refreshingly modern. I'm a huge fan. Among the youth you don't hear any of the old "I heard this in Asia" tropes (e.g. "It's not racist because it's natural" or even worse, "there's no racism here because there are no black people here" or "of course we should have equality but women need to be extra careful") - they know racism when they see it, they are aware of intersectional issues and call out when something is race, class or gender-based (or, relevant for Taiwan, age-based), or some combination of same, or all three. They know sexism when they see it and are bracingly able to call out patriarchal ideas of blaming women for being the targets of men rather than blame the men for having targets in the first place. I am excited to see this generation grow into the new leaders of Taiwan. The folks in power may not get it yet, but they do.

And next, there's still a long way to go - the idea of implementing an electronic card system in place of the curfew so "parents can monitor their children's movements" is almost as problematic as an actual curfew! These aren't kids, they are legal adults. They're in COLLEGE. They shouldn't have to use a card that registers their comings and goings for their parents to check. I can't imagine accepting the idea of my parents monitoring where I was at all times of day and night when I started college at 16 (yes, 16. Yes, I'm bragging. Deal with it), even though I lived at home, let alone when I transferred and went away to university at 17. The idea of being monitored at 18, 19, 20? Not acceptable. What really needs to change is the idea that parents have such a right to control of their adult children. And that will be a much slower - but still possible - cultural change.

Indonesia: Borobudur

Borobudur is such a popular destination - one of the top in Indonesia and absolutely the top in Java - that I don't have much to say about it that hasn't already been said.

But, a few impressions:

We got there by train - even our friend in Surabaya didn't know you could buy tickets online which you then print and redeem for the actual tickets at the station. The 5-hour ride to the nearest town (pickups are easily arranged through your hotel) cost a pittance, for a fairly good railway experience, as these things go.

Somehow I'd gotten the impression that you could walk inside it like a temple (this may be from pictures of the walkways on it, which, with carved walls on either side, could be mistaken if you are just viewing a photo as halls inside a temple), but it's actually a massive stupa.

A word of advice: don't follow the exit signs as they are posted. They lead you to some side exit that forces you to walk practically the whole way around the temple again through a neverending souvenir market that is absolutely not worth your time. Just go back the way you came.

The town itself is not nearly as unpleasant as a backpacker town with one major draw would normally be. For example, I loved the ruins at Hampi but I could take or leave the little town, which seemed mostly set up for foreigners. Borobudur has some of that, but outside of the aforementioned souvenir market from hell, the town itself is pleasantly devoid of souvenir shops and backpacker cafes. Mostly local eateries, and to get a cup of coffee we had to go to one of the fancier hotels. The only downside of it not being as fully set up for travelers as it could be is that there are several smaller temples on the outskirts of town (one of which is walkable) that you can visit in the afternoon after a sunrise trip to Borobudur. But hotels will try to set you up with a 200,000 rupiah horse carriage ride to do that - that's about $12 US, but still far more than you ought to be paying. We had to go hang out on the street and pick up one of those cycle carts for a fraction of the cost.

As these sorts of destinations go, though, I would say it's worth it. I wouldn't recommend skipping it thinking it'll be a let-down. It absolutely wasn't - even the very cliched 'sunrise visit' was absolutely lovely and absolutely worth it. Hotels will arrange to take you there on a scooter, where you enter through the Hotel Manohar and get a little flashlight for the walk up. There is a little coffee-and-pastry set-up in the waiting area before you can ascend that opens at 4:30am. You can bring your coffee and pastry up to the top - I watched the sunrise while drinking mine! (Take your trash with you of course).

I'd say, though, that I enjoyed the dawn light over the misty tropical landscape just as much as the actual stupa - it's Buddhist, in an very Indian style, and doesn't feel particularly Indonesian at all (the temples on the mountains near Surakarta/Solo feel much more attuned to local history and indigenous cultural aesthetics). It at times felt like a repeat of the many, many, many similar temples and sites I saw in India, Thailand, Laos and Myanmar.

A few more quick tips: you can buy postcards at the Manohar, and if you stay there you can get a discount on admission to the site. The Manohar also has a cafe where you can see Borobudur from a distance while drinking or eating - a great place to write those postcards. We didn't stay there though, because we're not rich (this was actually a 'we can't work anyway, so let's take a budget trip although technically we can't afford it right now' trip). An a smaller road off the main thoroughfare there is a guy who does satay on a long grill and it's excellent, and our hotel (Cempaka Villa) was great value for money with bathtub, hot water, Western toilet, wifi throughout and free breakfast, mostly Chinese-style food. In fact pretty much all of our Java accommodation with one exception was to a very high standard.

Enjoy!

Check out my other posts on our Java trip here (coming soon):

Surabaya
Borobudur
Prambanan
Surakarta (Solo)
Baluran National Park

Indonesia: Surabaya

Over Chinese New Year, we decided to take a quick trip to Java with a side trip to Singapore, even though it was the rainy season.

Since Blogger is being a jerk, I'll put all the text here and all the pictures below. First up - and I'm splitting trip into several posts by destination within Java so I don't have to constantly copy-and-paste from Flickr - we flew into Surabaya, a sidewalk-free, mostly industrial but also somewhat interesting city on the eastern tip of Java. A friend of ours lives there, so we wandered the city with him until it was time to catch our evening train to Borobudur.

Even our Hungarian tour guide friend, who has lived in Indonesia for years, admits there's not a lot to do in Surabaya. We met up with him both coming and going - it was great having a local-living friend to take the lead in getting around, by the way - and went to the mosque in what Lonely Planet ambitiously calls "The Arab Quarter". Yes, it was worth the trip. Yes, that part of town is run-down and struggles with poverty. There is a wealth of heritage architecture, though, mostly art deco from the colonial period, the mosque is nice, and the market street leading to the mosque very atmospheric. We walked by Chinatown on the way - don't bother.

A few things worth noting: first, there are lots of cats in Surabaya. In fact this seems to be a thing not only in Indonesia but in basically every Muslim country I've visited. I know Muhammad preferred cats to dogs but I can't quite imagine that's the reason why Turkey, Egypt and Indonesia were so cat-fully nice (especially Turkey).

Second, Surabaya is really a city of drivers. People live in family homes in kampungs in the spread-out town, which has no clear town center (although one particular massive shopping mall, Tunjungan Plaza, serves as a central point). Most roads have no sidewalks and, with no clearly delineated 'downtown', it's not clear how one even would walk around the city. Buses are a non-starter, and there is no metro or light rail system of any kind. There are bemos, but you have to know where you're going. What this basically means is if you go to Surabaya, budget to take taxis everywhere. Fortunately, taxis are generally honest, cheap and - thankfully - air-conditioned.

Wouldn't live there though. If you've read this blog even occasionally you know I DO NOT drive in urban areas and believe strongly in urban public transit. I won't live in a city without it.

Third, towards the end of this group of photos, note the mosaic on one colonial building - Dutch woman on one side, Indonesian on the other, separated by some Art Deco deity. This is just one interesting bit of Dutch colonial-era Art Deco architecture, and serves to remind one that you can admire the buildings all you like, but remember the brutality, racism and inequality of the imperial powers that built it all. Worth it? I don't think so. The buildings are nice though.

Fourth, I don't have photos here as they didn't come out well, but the House of Sampoerna (and its attached cafe) as well as the Majapahit hotel bar are both worth a stop. Or you could eat at "Papa Ron's" pizza in Tunjungan Plaza. Your choice.

Finally, do check out the zoo - just to see the Komodo dragons if anything.

My other posts on Indonesia are here (coming soon):

Surabaya
Borobudur
Prambanan
Solo (Surakarta)
Baluran National Park