It Takes ****s

Taipei mayor Hau Lung-bin makes a "please vote for me next election, pretty pretty please" appearance at the commencement of this year's Qingshan Wang (青山王) festival, pulling none other than Qingshan himself.

Yeah, that's my photo. Because I'm hardcore like that and I managed to slither and elbow my way through the crowd to the front. It takes serious ****s to pull that kind of stunt in Wanhua. I managed to say "台灣加油!" in Taiwanese ("daiwan ga yu") to his face. Go me.

Anyway, so Qingshan's birthday - celebrated with three days of crazy, traffic-horror inducing parades, began today. Wander around the Wanhua area (Longshan Temple, Huanhe S. Road, Guiyang Street etc.) after about 3pm tomorrow or Monday if you are interested in some good festival photo ops.

A few photos from today:

The yin-yang god, I believe, with sacred bread. This year's sacred bread was better than last year's. I think they screwed up last year's batch.

Me and deer penis. Like I said, it takes ****s. Wanhua is a crazy neighborhood, so if you've got a hankering for some deer-penis-and-winter-bug alcohol, or some turtle-arm-deer-ear soup, this is the place for you.

Today's festivities were really good for dragon dancing photos. I was especially impressed with the light up dragon. Good work. They even got two dragons to dance facing each other with a ball in the middle, like in the temple paintings and sculptures.

I just think this is cool. If you hadn't known before, this is how they get the tall god costumes down the street.

Below: storing the firecrackers until it's time to make everyone deaf.

Dai's House of Stink (戴臭之家)

There it sits. Challenging me.

So we went to the Xinyi branch of Dai's last night：台北市信義區永吉路30巷1號 - Xinyi, Yongji Road, Lane 30 #1 (it may be #2). It's actually called something along the lines of Du's Memorial to Dai's House of Unique Stink and serves the same horrifically - and I mean horrifically - stinky tofu that Dai's on Nanjing Road sells.

(Once our mouths and intestines recover from this trip, we're going to check out the other Dai's).

The outside of the shop doesn't smell too bad until you get close, when the waves of stenchtacular haze start rolling out. I imagine them as puce colored roils of steam. The smell is enough to trigger synesthesia it seems.

This shop was featured on Andrew Zimmern's show - that guy who goes around the world and eats crazy food - and I admire the guy. I do. I can't eat cockroaches. They terrify me. Forget balut (a congealed duck embryo boiled egg, still in the shell...feathers, tiny bones and all, from the Philippines). I have tried pig's lung and various meats and I swear duck tongue is on the list...but I'm not cut out for that job full-time.

Dai's sells very, very stinky tofu that gets its coma-inducing stankonia from fermenting for extra-long; I think 14 days or so of fermentation compared to a shorter time for regular stinky tofu - which I love, and swear is really not all that stinky. Their specialties are deep fried stinky tofu, which was quite nice and not that stinky at all, as well as raw stinky tofu (above), which was soft and smooth like bleu cheese, but about ten million times as pungent. It's sold by the cube because the owner is pretty sure that your average person can't eat an entire three-cube portion. She may be right.

Left: fried stinky tofu. Center: hot (ma la) stinky tofu. Right: the last of the raw stinky tofu.

We ordered three kinds and dug in. Everyone was pleased with the fried （獨家味臭豆腐 - not sure if that's it exactly but basically that's their house specialty, which is fried）and spicy soup tofu （麻辣臭豆腐）dishes, which, while stinkier than your average street vendor's fare, were not all that stinky in comparison.

The raw tofu (生臭豆腐）, on the other hand, "tastes like licking the inside of a septic tank" as I put it. The stuff on top, a delicious salty, crunchy peanut, seaweed, salt and other-stuff powder, seemed to take the edge off but really just amplified it and helped provide a chaser before the aftertaste - the very fermented aftertaste - rolled in.

But you know what? After a few bites followed up by screwed-up faces (the aftertaste! the aftertaste! O good god won't someone please think of the children?! Gaaaaaahthfdsjfsdjfds%$#%dsak!*#%#&!!!) ...

....

....I decided I actually like the stuff.

(crickets chirping)

No, really. Brendan and Emily T. disagreed - Emily unable to finish, and Brendan helping me finish it but not really wanting or needing to try it again - but I could totally eat that stuff again. Out of choice. And pay for it. With money.

Apparently, Andrew Zimmern couldn't finish the raw tofu - it "defeated" him. I do respect the guy, but I'm sorry. Come on. You *****! I challenge you to a stinky tofu eat off, Andrew. I will win this challenge. I am the Stinky Tofu Champion. I have minions. You are going down.

To Brendan's credit, he seemed to be fine with it by the end. "This isn't so bad now. I think I can handle it after a few bites because something died in my mouth."

"Well, at first it sure tasted like something died in my mouth," I replied.

It's like fine French cheese or beer when tried by kids - yes, I tried beer as a kid - an acquired taste. Very acquired. Really, really very acquired.

We were still up for a challenge so as the laobanniang watched election results roll in - booooooo KMT! BOOOOO! 噓噓噓！ - we ordered the "Clear soup stinky tofu" (清湯臭豆腐）below:

...while avoiding the "Stinky Vigorous Intestine Tofu" (臭大腸旺豆腐) because, while I've eaten intestine and can definitely get it down my throat, I don't care for it. If that's the stuff Andrew Zimmern couldn't eat, however, I will go back and order it and eat it. Just to prove myself as the Stinky Tofu Champion. I'll also get the "Thee Mushroom Six Old Wives" (三菇六婆) tofu, which we were too full to order but sounds nice. (Three kids of mushroom cooked with a cube of tofu sliced in six).

So anyway, the "Clear Soup Stinky Tofu" was just as smelly as the raw stuff. I think "stench" is really a better adjective for it. Clear Soup Stenchy Tofu. The smell wafting from it practically sent Brendan into paroxysms of...something. We're not sure what. Something bad from another plane of existence. Cruddles of it stuck around the edges of the bowl like gray sediment, and the tofu cube itself sat under a pile of sliced mushrooms. Hiding. Lurking. Waiting.

But we ate it. And liked it. Well, I liked it.

And I think I've figured out part of why that stinky tofu is so damn stinky. It's not just the longer fermentation. All of the dishes are topped with or made with something known to increase 'umami' (that deep, rounded savory flavor found in the best foods). I tasted a bit of squid or seaweed oil in the clear soup tofu, which, when cooked with mushrooms, produces an exponentially stronger flavor. The seaweed and peanut topping on the raw tofu has the same effect. Spicy mala broth usually has soy sauce in it, which is in that same group of foods.

In any case...it was good. Horribly, unspeakable, stinkily good.

Happy Thanksgiving - Do It True, My Sweetie Pie

L to R: Jane, Cara, Brendan, me, Joseph, Emily, Sasha

Last year on Thanksgiving we went to Exotic Masala House for an Indian feast. A good time was had by all (me, my sister, our friends Joseph, Emily and Sasha - Brendan had work and joined us later).

Because, you know, even though Thanksigiving more or less commemorates that time the Native Americans were nice to us Europeans before we started killing them all, Americans (generally speaking) feel the need to make a big to-do about it. I think this is equally because we get two days off and are meant to go visit our families (which can be tough if you live far away, as you're more likely to go see them on Christmas just a few weeks later) and so it's a time for good food, warm houses and a huge helping of family drama...

...as well as because it's the start of the Christmas season, which is truly The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year. Not for all that religious stuff - I'm not religious beyond thinking that Daoism is cool and Christianity has a few moral codes that are quite sensible - but because of the obvious stuff: cheesy songs, Christmas lights, trees, gingerbread, hot red wine, cookies and yes, Christmas gifts! Giving just as much as receiving if not more so.

So what does an expat do on Thanksgiving? Well, we wanted something new and we wanted a bird of some sort, so we settled on Do It True - an extremely famous restaurant known for its exceptional Beijing (sorry, Beiping) traditional cuisine. We figured they'd have Beijing Duck as well as other dishes, so that'd take care of our desperate need for Thanksgiving fowl. Which is good, as duck is hands-down more delicious than turkey, at least commercially sold turkey.

Well...

Do It True was good. It was. The food was just fine - especially the spicy braised pork with oodles of lard that one stuffs into sesame buns (called "sesame bums" on the menu, tee hee) and the cedar-scented bean curd (a bean curd with some oil and green chopped vegetable with a strong whiff of woody cedar...not sure how they accomplished that).

But honestly speaking, there are plenty of Beiping-style restaurants in Taipei and while Do It True was quite a nice meal, I feel like we could have done just as well at a local joint.

And they don't serve Beijing duck. Their pine-smoked whole chicken was sold out, so our bird ended up being a plate of kung pao chicken! (Which is more or less fine - it was pretty good considering that this was not a Sichuanese restaurant).

This is not to say I give them a bad review - it really was a good meal. I just wonder why it's sooooo famous. (I did hear a story that the owner retired and left it to his children, who kind of screwed up, and quality went down. Then they redoubled their efforts and things got better, but the food is still not quite as good as it used to be. I wonder how true that is.) Is it worth trekking out to Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall to eat here? Yeah...sure. But if you're really after good Beijing food - which incidentally is hard to find in Beijing these days - a local place will suffice. And if you want truly amazing regional cuisine from China that will knock your socks off, try Hui Guan for Ningxia food or the Sichuan place with the crazy chef at #5 Renai Road in Yonghe (MRT Dingxi).

Then we taxi'd over to My Sweetie Pie* (owned by Grandma Nitti's across the street) in Shi-da for some good old-fashioned dessert, which we picked up along with Belgian beer from Cafe Bastille (I got "Satan Gold") and headed over to a friend's for pie, beer and chatting.

What the food scene in Taipei really needs is a cafe that has My Sweetie Pie quality desserts and Cafe Bastille beer. The desserts at Bastille are "meh" at best and their food is, as the article says, atrocious - and My Sweetie Pie doesn't seem to do alcohol and definitely doesn't have a wide selection of good beer.

*I'm happy this place got reviewed in Hungry Girl but I would have focused more on the amazing cakes and pies and less on the rest of the menu, as really the best reason to go there is to eat a slice of cake or pie or get a real dessert treat in the form of a whole cake for someone special. I don't mind that the slices are smaller than back home because I'm not one of those naturally thin (or unnaturally thin come to think of it) people who can eat fat slices of cake all the time, and I love raisins, including in apple pie. Also, they make a very good espresso.

Jolly

I recently ate at this restaurant and brewery for the second time, and all I can say is that I loved it the first time, but I love it even more now.

The article above describes it about as well as I could, if not better, so I won't do a full-on review. But I will give my impressions.

First of all, the ambience is downright cool. A brewery and Thai-style restaurant that is affordable but not bargain-basement, with a mix of age groups but generally in the young-but-not-too-young age group (that is, our age group of about 25-35) with a laid-back atmosphere, decorated in good taste -I could do without the sports on television sets, but hey whatever. It is a more than welcome change from the usual nightlife options (young&studenty&too-cool, young&glossy&trying-too-hard, and old&smarmy&gross seem to be the other three options, and while I'm down with the first of the three, it's nice to be able to feel like you aren't a ramen-swilling artist once in awhile, especially when, ahem, you're not).

After 9pm on any given day, the lights go down and while you can still eat, the place takes on more of a bar atmosphere, but not so loud that you can't talk around a table. I like that. The music is fun and international.

Secondly, complementing that ambience are beer choices that are honest-to-goodness delicious. Really. They're just extremely good. I'm something of a beer snob so this is a HUGE compliment.

Thirdly, the food is fantastic. Well, mostly. When we first went there, after a day at Xiao Wulai, we weren't expecting much. Usually places with sports matches on TV and alcohol with nice settings don't serve the best food, but the friend who suggested it is something of a foodie, so we decided to give it a go. We were mightily surprised by how truly great it is - the best dishes being Massaman curry, quick-cooked watercress, papaya salad and shrimp "cakes" (which are really spring rolls filled with shrimp cake paste and fried). The country-style curry was also really good.

The second time we went, which was just a few days ago, we got beef with basil (also excellent) and lettuce bundles (fan-tas-tic). I didn't love the fish cakes quite as much, though.

For dessert, I wasn't a huge fan of the milk and taro balls but that's just me - I like richer, creamier European desserts or fresh fruit as a general rule. The stout tiramisu, however (tiramisu made with stout instead of the usual liqueurs), is amazing and you have to get it. You HAVE to. No...no, I don't want to hear that you're too full. YOU HAVE TO. It's a law or something.

As it's no secret that Thai food goes well with beer (just like most Sichuan food and stinky tofu, and of course Indian curry), Jolly is basically just heaven for anyone who values a good meal and a good place to hang out with friends.

Because the world needs more warmth...

...in the form of another photo of our cat.

Haha. hahahaha. Haha.

Now I feel a little bad - I haven't had time to update in the way I'd like these past few weeks. It's not wedding planning (please shoot me if I ever spend so much time planning a party that I don't have time to write or do anything fun) - it's work. This month (and October to some extent) has been busy, because this is the time of year when accounting firms seem to have a lot of downtime and buy lots and lots and lots of seminars. You'd think with the end of the year coming that wouldn't be true, but hey, it seems to be - at least in Taiwan.

For the past two weekends, for example, I would have loved to have gone hiking or done something fun, but I actually had weekend seminars. Not long-term courses at least, but still.

To fill the void a bit, here are some fun pictures for you that are of nothing in particular:

No blog post with random photos is complete without My Nuts.

(I realize plenty of relatives and soon-to-be relatives read this blog, but I also figure I've put my foot in my mouth so many times thanks to my chronic foot-in-mouth disease that it's basically all cool at this point. And come on, this is a really funny name for a bag of nuts.)

Yeah! You better not let your dogs...err...at least not ANYWHERE!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year" (cue sleigh bells)

"Are you going to iron? I love irons! They're warm like MY heater which is MINE."

Mmmmm delicious grilled tentacles.

Kung Po Chicken Ding (宮保雞丁)

That's the menu name of kung pao chicken that my sister found in a Chinese restaurant in the Hudson Valley. Awesome.

Anyway, the other night I made kung pao chicken and invited a few friends over to help us eat it. Best NT $620 (for ingredients) that I ever spent. One friend provided beer, another saved the day with hua jiao (花椒) when my local Wellcome turned out to be sold out. Not as good as the fresh hua jiao used in the Sichuan restaurant in Dingxi that has my heart, but still good. Two more brought desserts, including a selection from My Sweetie Pie, the awesome bakery owned by Grandma Nitti's.

The meaning of "gong bao" (or as we say in the American language, "kung pao") is "palace guard" - a lot of Chinese food has fancy names like "Buddha Jumps Over A Wall", "Cross The Bridge Noodles", "Eight Treasures", "Four Gods Soup" etc. that don't really tell you what it is. So this one is Palace Guard Diced Chicken (ji ding).

I realize every kung pao chicken recipe is different, but here is mine (serves 6-8)

Ingredients:

Eight breasts of chicken (I bought 4 packages from Wellcome with appeared to have approx. 2 breasts' worth of meat each in them)

Unroasted, unsalted peanuts - at least 2 cups or to taste

1 sprig of green onion, chopped into chunks

2 cloves of garlic finely minced (optional but I would never leave it out)

a few ginger coins - about half a thumb's worth (optional)

1 tall shot glass or larger Chinese tea cup full of Shaoxing rice wine - no you can't use cheap cooking wine or some other kind of cheaper rice wine. NO YOU CANT NO NO NO! Dry sherry would be OK, though, as that will mimic the effect that the flavor has on the sauce, or a really good, rich rice wine.

1/2 cup regular soy sauce or 1 cup low sodium light soy sauce

1 capful of rice vinegar

sprinkle of sugar to taste - I put about half a palmful

salt to taste

1 tbsp lemon juice (optional or to taste - I like the tangy flavor it gives the sauce)

A **** ton of cooking oil...you can use olive oil if you like (I know that sounds weird but it actually works)

sesame oil - 1 tbsp or to taste

If you like - it's my little secret - a sprinkling of squid oil. You can't taste it in the final product, but it lends this amazing, full, rounded flavor even under all the chili (below)

And now, for the best part!

2 handfuls (or to taste) of hua jiao - flower pepper, which creates that classic numbing feeling

2-3 tbsp Lao Gan Ma black bean peanut chili in oil from Guizhou

handfuls and handfuls of dried red chilis - really you can't overdo this, but you can underdo it, so figure out the point where it seems ridiculous then add some more

about 1 tbsp black pepper

3-4 chopped fresh red Sichuan chilis (any small, thin red chili will do)

Some of that not-too-spicy chili paste with garlic and vinegar you can buy cheaply at Wellcome

(In the USA, all you need is some chopped fresh chili, dried chili and hua jiao, though a chili paste would also be good - not all of the above may be easily available)

Process:

Dice the chicken breasts and put in bowl, adding the soy sauce, vinegar, lemon juice, salt to taste, shaoxing wine, sugar, a bit of the garlic, and the chili pastes. Set aside.

In a wok or large pan with huge lip, heat the cooking oil. In it, lightly roast the black pepper, flower pepper, dried chilis, the rest of the garlic and ginger until it smells awesome. Use as much oil as you like - if the whole mess is deep fried it's great, but if you just want to stir fry, that's OK too. I stir-fry because I'd like to not have a heart attack when I'm 34.

Add peanuts. Just dump 'em in.

Cook peanuts until lightly golden. Add chicken. You can add the whole marinade for a more 'cooked' taste, or if you want the raw awesome of all that chili, leave it out for now.

Cook chicken until tender and just exactly done - when I think this is happening I take a larger chunk out, cut it in half on a cutting board and check the center. Do not overcook. Nothing is more gross than overcooked chicken, except maybe overcooked fish.

Quickly add the chopped onion, giving it a few whisks around in the hot mess, before turning off.

Use a slotted spoon or other straining thing to get the chicken, onion and dried chilis onto the plate while leaving behind the **** ton of oil. If you did not add the marinade to the mess, dump as much of it over now as you like. (adding it while cooking makes it taste 'cooked', adding it after makes it taste 'raw' - I like it both ways.)

Breathe fire, young grasshopper!