Showing posts with label fuck_the_communist_party_of_fucking_china. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fuck_the_communist_party_of_fucking_china. Show all posts

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Why did China kick out Western journalists? Some whiskey-soaked theories

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東方紅
肺炎升
中國出了個維尼熊

Yo I know I said a few years ago maybe that I was going to try to make this a classier publication, generally by keeping all my same ideas but expressing them less with less filthy language and less drinking overall.

But now THE PLAGUE TIMES are upon us, and I cannot be held to promises I made in the Before Times.

Let us not speak of the Before Times. 


So, anyway, the dudes in Zhongnanhai decided to just sort of randomly tell a bunch of Western journalists that they were being immediately expelled from China AND Hong Kong. I gather that the dudes didn't really consider if the Taiwan Provincial Authorities would allow them to set up bureaus there, as, oh wait, the Taiwan Provincial Authorities don't exist. Or they do exist, but the actual leaders don't, or they do, but they don't recognize that they are provincial authorities or...something.

Whatever.

Anyway, what I'm interested in is why. That's bad, because I have no idea.

So here are some random thoughts on what might be going on:



1.) That Zhongnanhai Limp Dick Energy

I mean, definitely those guys are too withered to have any real fun, so they sometimes have to pretend it's possible to feel excited again by concentrating their energy into being total dicks in the bad way, because they can't do anything in the good way. So they just wanted to flex (but not their dicks, as I said, those don't do much anymore) and chose...this. It could really be nothing more than that.



2.) The Xi Jinping Virus is still way worse in China and they don't want the world to know


Still got a crisis on your hands and don't want the world to know? People still dropping dead from a virus, the blame for which can be laid exactly at the feet of Xi Jinping and the CCP? Want to look like that's not happening, and you are recovering while the rest of the world is trapped in a pandemic of seemingly Biblical proportions? Well, if you control the media, that's great because you can just...do that. But you don't control the Western media (entirely) so you have to get those pesky real journalists out so that your fake PR agents who pose as journalists can publish the stories you want.

Bonus: you can then pretend to be the good guy by "donating" (selling) supplies and "sending experts" (who haven't helped your own country recover) and spin that as the world needing to be grateful to China for quite literally starting a pandemic.

Oh yeah, I think COVID19 is too purposefully euphemistic - not in terms of not offending "China", but in terms of not offending the CCP. But, I don't want to use terms that seem discriminatory towards Chinese people. But Xi Jinping? Fuck that guy. I think "CCP Virus" is also acceptable. Fuck them too.


3.) They're planning an invasion of Taiwan and don't want you to know


I mean, assuming the army isn't too sick, this would be the perfect time. Taiwan is focused on the Xi Jinping Virus. The world is too - the US is Taiwan's biggest ally (I mean real ally, not checkbook ally) and they are in no position at all to back up Taiwan when the second wave of troops comes.

But, be wary, ye traveler from the Before Times. Here be dragons. Have they recently decided that now would be the perfect time because they are recovering and the rest of the world is writhing in pandemic agony? Or are we really gonna tinfoil-hat this motherfucker and say they made that plan awhile ago, when it was clear the virus was going to get out of control?

I refuse to add crazy antenna to my tinfoil hat, and will not continue on this conspiracy theory train ride, although I admit it is scenic.


4.) Revenge


I mean...I guess. So, they expelled some Wall Street Journal reporters for no goddamn reason. Then the US started treating the Chinese PR agents (they are not really journalists) like...exactly what they are, and this is tit-for-tat for that? Seems pretty stupid, but okay.

I think this is the official reason - it's the lede in The Guardian piece - but the "official reason" is almost never the actual reason when dealing with the CCP.


5.) Some other bullshit


Have they realized that, allowed to spread unchecked, the Xi Jinping Virus is wiping out Uighurs in detention camps? Are they ensuring that that happens? Are they trying to get Europe on their side by having various nations "thank" them (for allowing the virus to get out of control?), but not the US which doesn't seem quite so willing to kiss the ring, causing a US/Europe/NATO rift that they can exploit? Forcible full takeover of Hong Kong coming soon?

Or what?

There's just so much bullshit to choose from.


6.) Really maybe just Limp Dick Energy


Or maybe I've had too much to drink and they're just sad, deflated old cumsacks who have wanted to do this for awhile because they hate people who try to report the actual truth because that means they can't fabricate it. They saw their chance to do something they've been desiring for awhile, and took it. It probably made them feel like Big Fancy Men.

Whatever.

I mean, that's probably it, but whatever.

I hope they all - all those CCP officials squashing their tiny little dusty sad nuts with their undercarriages on ugly old chairs in Zhongnanhai - get the Xi Jinping Virus.

Fuck them. 

Thursday, November 7, 2019

Wan-wan: "That's creepy and you're not my mom!"

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AAAAHHHH



Most people teach their kids about "stranger danger" - not to go off with people you don't know, or in a more modern sense, "here's how to spot situations that don't feel right".

It seems Taiwan, through its blossoming from a nascent sense of individual identity into a fully mature and independent nation, has learned this lesson well.


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So when Haixia, a helmet-haired Chinese anchorwoman and Stern Aunt Who Is Spanking You For Your Own Good, spoke about China's candy "26 measures" using phrasing like "mother is calling you home", pretty much every Taiwanese who watched the video looked into her cold, dead eyes, got goosebumps (with that exact turn of phrase from at least one online commenter) and ran in the other direction. Like you would if you were a kid walking down the street and a guy in a windowless van slowed down to offer you a lollipop.

The creepiest moment was when she said "Wan-wan, come home" (灣灣回家吧), using a made-up and frankly condescending diminutive for Taiwan, in exactly the same tone of voice an abuser uses to try to manipulate their target when they think they can leverage whatever sentimentality exists in the relationship to pull them back into that void. 


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I'm not the only one making memes of it - art by A Ray

Speaking of voids, the pan-blue media didn't seem to report on Haixia's Abuser Masquerading As Loving Mother act at all, as far as I can find. TVBS talked about the candy that is definitely spiked with roofies "26 Measures" with some utter bollocks about how "people disagree on what freedom and democracy mean", even referencing the so-called "Green Terror", but not the creepy "Mother" thing. That was about as long as I could stand to watch blue media because there's only so much waterboarding masquerading as "news" that I can take, so I'm not sorry that I didn't look any deeper into that inter-dimensional vortex.

On that side, only somewhat more reputable United Daily News (pan-blue) covered the story, and even they went with a straight report that independent legislator Hung Tzu-yung (洪慈庸) reacted by saying "Taiwan is already home."


In fact, the Taiwanese reaction in general was...not pleased (here's a summary in English). And why shouldn't they feel that way about essentially being nicknamed wayward children?


Given that this reaction was inevitable, who is the CCP trying to reach with Haixia's Creepy Mother spiel? Probably their own people, giving Chinese social media users a chance to watch, share and marvel at how benevolent their government is. It's not like many (or any) people in Taiwan seriously watch CCTV anyway. They don't really care about Taiwan's reaction. It wasn't really intended for Taiwan.



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Art by nagee

But other moments caught my attention too: when she talked about how "Taiwan compatriots will be treated the same as Mainland compatriots", my first thought was utter terror and I gather plenty of Taiwanese had the same reaction. Being treated like a citizen by the Chinese government sounds absolutely horrifying. Who would want that? Do they really think they treat their own 'compatriots' well enough that Taiwanese would think "hey that looks great, sign me up for social credit and getting shot in the face for protesting!"?

This prompted Liberty Times to write about Haixia's soapbox whinge by running a picture of an Uighur detention camp and asking, "if you want Taiwan to 'come home', why don't you let [Xinjiang concentration camp detainees] go home first?" 


Of course, Taiwanese wouldn't have to worry about being sent to a Xinjiang detention camp - I'm sure they'll set up plenty of them in Taiwan once we 'come home'. After all, they'd treat Taiwanese 'just like' their own citizens, right?

Haixia went on to say that "we are sincere because we all have Chinese hearts" and "Taiwan's destiny is with the motherland", adding that "some people are not pragmatic and have been spreading strange rumors and slander - if they don't have a Chinese heart, how can they understand our sincerity?"

This part horrified and interested me in equal measure, but also clarified their true beliefs: that identity - Chinese identity in particular - is something that can be assigned and enforced, rather than something that is cultivated naturally through cultural and historical evolution. What it means can also be decided by them. If you are 'Chinese', you must agree. If you don't, either you are a traitor, or you were never Chinese and cannot understand why all Chinese do agree.

It won't work, of course. For it to be true, Taiwanese would have to agree that they are indeed Chinese, and buy into the notion of what it means to have a "Chinese heart". Clearly, they don't. Telling someone what their identity is never works in the long run anyway. Just look at...well, history.

It's also interesting that they're still trying to implicitly push this narrative that the people who "don't have a Chinese heart" are a minority of splittist troublemakers. If you read between the lines, what Haixia is saying only makes sense if the vast majority of Taiwanese agree that they are Chinese, in the sense that the CCP expects. Otherwise the majority of Taiwanese could be said to not have "Chinese hearts", which means of course they "can't understand" China, and if that's true, shouldn't China just give up on them as "not Chinese"?

It's kind of telling that they can't, or won't, give up on that line of reasoning. Not just because do admit the truth is to make it impossible for them to reasonably pursue their annexationist goals, but because it lays bare what's really going on: the CCP has never cared what the Taiwanese actually think in the first place, so it doesn't matter if it's decided for them. You know, kind of like they do with Chinese citizens. Equal treatment!

Finally, in the English media, Reuters noted that the CCP also promised to respect Taiwan's "way of life":



China will “fully respect” Taiwan’s way of life and social system once it has been “peacefully reunified”, as long as national security is protected, the ruling Communist Party said on Tuesday, in another overture to the self-ruled island.... 
“Under the premise of ensuring national sovereignty, security, and development interests, after peaceful reunification, the social system and way of life of Taiwan compatriots will be fully respected,” it said. 
“Private property, religious beliefs, and legitimate rights and interests of Taiwan compatriots will be fully protected.”

Note that among the things to be "respected", democracy is not listed, but property is. The CCP apparently would get to decide what aspects of Taiwan's way of life are "legitimate" - just as they get to decide both who is Chinese and what it means to be Chinese - and you can surely expect that any sort of non-approved belief or attempt at continued democracy or even basic freedom of speech would be construed a threat to "national security" and therefore "not legitimate". "Rights and interests" is too general a phrase both in Chinese and English to mean anything, other than what the CCP wants it to mean when it says those words.

Apparently, the CCP doesn't think that Taiwanese follow the news. If China respected the "way of life" of various groups of citizens, Hong Kong wouldn't be foggy with tear gas (but of course, they can't accept that Hong Kongers don't, by and large, support the CCP or their version of "Chineseness"). If they respected "religious beliefs", Xinjiang wouldn't be death camp central.

But then, do the Taiwanese they are trying to reach actually follow the news? They might, but the sources they read don't report the full extent of what's going on in Hong Kong or Xinjiang. Instead, it's a never-ending stream of Big Uncle Dirk interspersed with calling anyone who isn't KMT complicit in the "Green Terror". And China is aware of that.

By the way, if you ever get tired of the real lefties banging on about how capitalism is evil, remember this. Free markets may not be inherently evil, but if capital and power weren't intertwined, what reason would these political figures and media outlets have to keep their audiences mostly in the dark about the way China treats its own people? Is it because they have "Chinese hearts" or because they personally stand to profit? Hmm.


So, while the whole "Wan-wan, come home" thing was not actually meant to convince Taiwanese people that China is sincere and trustworthy, the "26 measures" do aim at Taiwanese who watch blue-leaning news, which is to say, fake news. The candy might actually look tempting if you've been conditioned not to fear the dude in the van. 

It has nothing to do with "Chinese hearts" and everything to do with candy.

Or, as Reuters put it:



China has not explained how Taiwan’s democracy may be allowed to continue if it takes control of the island.

Yeah, because it won't.

It won't be deemed "legitimate".

China's just hoping we don't notice that they never said otherwise. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

It's not the name, it's the helplessness

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Not entirely accurate, but funny



Another day, another instance of the Chinese government being assparrots.

First, the Gap sells a really cool t-shirt that shows a map of China that doesn't include Taiwan (the picture above is a photoshopped joke version by a friend - the real one didn't include a Taiwan running away or the year 1949), and then apologizing for printing a map of China with "incorrect borders".

The borders are entirely correct (even in areas where I don't think they should be, such as Tibet and Xinjiang).

But, of course, selling t-shirts in China is more important than having a spine, and I can't even really bother to argue against that because it's about as useful as farting in a stiff breeze. T-shirts are going to matter more than values, principles or ethics for as long as I'm alive, most likely, and when I am consumed by rats or worms, they will continue to matter more than what is right.

Then, Air Canada - wobbly jellyfish to the last - changes Taiwan on their destination list to "Taipei, CN". Of course that destination does not exist. It's like trying to book a flight to Heaven, or Hell, or Oz, or wherever the Care Bears and Smurfs live. A wonderland of CCP revisionism. An imaginarium of a less just world.

"Travel everywhere with us," one of their Facebook posts says. Everywhere, it seems, except Taipei, Taiwan.

"Get your friends to travel together," another one says (on their Chinese-language Facebook page). Sure, let's travel to China (since apparently Taiwan doesn't exist), to get on our knees and pleasure Xi Jin-ping because watching him make his O-Face matters more than correct geographical labeling.

People have started petitions. Great. I went and trolled Gap on Facebook because I have nothing better to do with my time, the universe is cold and uncaring and not only are we all going to die, it won't even matter that we lived in the first place - tiny germs on a speck of dust hanging in a vast, rock-and-gas filled amoral vacuum that will also cease to exist one day. But, trolling Gap is fun so there's that.

This follows a string of "Orwellian nonsense" that's been going on for years as China acts like a massive baby - the tenderest snowflake there is - at the mere mention that a democratic nation called Taiwan exists. It's nothing new.

Of course, it hurts not that China does this - China's gonna China - but that the rest of the world caves in. That they are such cowards and hypocrites. They give in to fantasy land. Their actual moral compasses are about as sturdy as a cheap shit Gap t-shirt made in China.

And it hurts even more that there's so little we can do about it. We sign petitions as the rats get ready to gnaw our bones. We make snarky Facebook posts. Perhaps we contact our elected representative, who also cares more about t-shirts than principles. We gnash our teeth and feel upset, and it happens again and again as the vast coldness of space whirls around us, unaware.

From dust we came and to dust we shall return, but in the meantime, you really should sign the petition. I guess.